Faith in America

My faith in America is restored.  What a massive trouncing for Trump.  After so much disappointment that the majority of Americans fell for Trump's lies and false promises, it's great to see that America came to it's senses.

Trump's beat down was made worse by his own handpicked candidates and decisions in state races.  SC went Democratic?  His unqualified candidate was rejected.  Texas went Democratic?   His corrupt to the core candidate was rejected.  Republican senators he forced out of office "to get someone more loyal" were replaced with Democrats.  Trump puppets were rejected everywhere.

Now the Democrats have to work to not screw this up over the next two years.  

Hoarding Money

Imagine working for forty years being constantly told you must save for retirement, or meet the fate of spending old age in poverty.  We've all seen stories about retirees going to food banks, eating cat food and unable to afford medication.  Living on only social security of $1200 a month is scraping by at best.

Then you are finally lucky enough to retire.  You can start spending your nest egg.  It's ok!  That's why you saved for so long.  Spend it!   You can't take it with you.   Die broke!

The problem is that for many people (including me) it's hard to make this shift in mindset.

So now we have this phenomenon.  People don't want to spend their retirement nest egg.  Even people with millions saved are tight with their spending.  Living more frugally than they need to.

Some people die with more in savings that they started retirement with.  I do realize that the number of people retiring with even $1 million in their retirement account is very small, and the majority are actually struggling.

Nobody wants to run out of money. 

If you are depriving yourself unnecessarily, that's not good. 

If Not Now, When?

 

I'm planning my trip to Asia right now.  January 18/19th to end of March.  This would be my longest trip -- ever!.  I have to be back by end of March for a family event.  I have some doubts about going, more on that later.  I keep on coming back to this title phrase that I've heard from several people.  I don't have forever.  I need to do this.

For years now my retirement plan was to take a trip right after the holidays for a few months.  That time is here, and I need to do it.  The trip won't cost so much.  I have points to use and I'm really good at "traveling well on the cheap".   I've discussed the pro's and con's of different locations with my bf.

I'm thinking one week in Tokyo, three weeks in Bangkok, maybe a few days in Cambodia tbd,  and six weeks in Da Nang/other coastal areas.  This trip will be slow travel.  That means not so many stops and assimilate as best I can into the local scene.  

I haven't been to Tokyo (other than airport layovers) and have heard good things about it.  This is my opportunity.  My bf doesn't like Japan because they've done some horrible things to China decades ago.  He might meet me there as long as his parents don't know about it.

 I've been to Bangkok and definitely want to go back.  So many things to see.   I like the food.

I haven't been to Da Nang, but "the Miami of Asia" sounds good to me.  The combination of big city and the ocean is appealing.  If I don't like Da Nang I can go somewhere else on the coast.   I must bring back as much coffee as I can from Vietnam.

I've been bored at home.  This will give me an adventure and get me out of the cold weather. 

Best Cities Awards

 

Conde Naste Readers' Choice Awards Best Cities

1. Bangkok ✔
2. Paris ✔
3. Istanbul
4. Rome 
5. Valletta, Malta
6. Shanghai  ✔
7. Tokyo 
8. Seoul
9. Sydney
10. Amsterdam
11. Stockholm
12. Vienna
13. Lisbon
14. Hong Kong
15. Capetown
16. Porto, Portugal
17. Madrid  ✔
18. New York  ✔
19. Jaipur, India
20. Singapore   ✔

 

As I'm thinking about a trip in January, I happened to see that the Conde Naste Traveler Best Cities list was released.   I've check marked the cities I've been to -- 6 out of 20.  I will add Tokyo soon.

I was really surprised to see Bangkok as number one.  I like the city, but question if it should be number 1.  It's more modern than I expected but still feels chaotic and somewhat third world.  I don't agree with NYC as number 18 - should be at least in the top 5.  Certainly higher than Shanghai.  I thought Singapore would rank higher.  So orderly, safe and clean -- a model of urban efficiency.  So many things I wish we would copy from Singapore -- such as the $750 fine for not  picking up after your dog.  Caning would be so much more effective for crimes like shoplifting and minor vandalism than probation. 

I don't hear so many positive comments about Paris or Rome.  Where's London? Toronto?  Vancouver? 

Reading List Addition

 

Newly released book.  Thom Tillis is making the talk show rounds.  The only Republican senator who stood up to Trump a little bit.  Trump's circle is cracking.  I have a hold at the library.  

What I'm Watching

 

 

Actually it's what I want to watch.  This documentary film was released less than three weeks ago.    The truth is coming out about Gaza and it's worse than anyone could imagine.

Naked Skeletons in the Closet

 

Some of you may have heard of Troye Jacobs.  He is a 26 yo prolific gay porn star.  Originally from North Carolina, he has a degree in theatre from Elon University.  He graduated in the midst of the Covid lockdown and when his theatre aspirations in NYC didn't pan out, he made a living with OF and studio porn.

Now fast forward a few years.  He wants to exit porn and pursue his long standing dream of working in theatre.  He was cast in a production by Cape Fear Regional Theatre Company in Fayetteville, NC.  On the day of the first rehearsal he was summoned to the director's office and told his contract was terminated.  No reason given.  He asked if it was because of his previous work.  "We won't say anything if you don't say anything," he was told.

I've often wondered what are the long term consequences of being a porn actor.  There are so many of these actors it's shocking.  I guess we now know what can happen.  Which begs the question, how long should this guy pay a price for his porn career?  One obvious point:  Fayetteville NC was the wrong place to get his first real theatre job.  This probably wouldn't have happened in almost any major US city, or anywhere in the northeast or California.  Main stream theatre  in less conservative areas may look upon this type of work less unfavorably.

For some people this career might be worth it.  If you can make enough money to retire by the time you age out at 35 or 40, that might be appealing to many people.  I suspect the majority of these actors don't get fabulously rich.  Young people don't always make the best decisions, and don't think a few chess moves ahead.  Lack of money is a powerful motivator too.  Now let's see if this guy can rehabilitate his image and get a real theatre job.  The first job will be the most difficult.

American Scoundrel

I just finished reading this book, a new biography of Roy Cohn.  Cohn was Trump's lawyer from 1973 until the mid-80's.  I have to say, he had a super interesting life.  Graduated from Columbia Law School at age 21.  He was an Assistant U.S. Attorney in NYC right after law school.  At 24 years old he was one of the prosecutors who sent Julius and Ethel Rosenberg to the electric chair.  At 26 he was Chief Counsel to Senator Joe McCarthy's Senate Subcommittee on Investigations.  He beat out Bobby Kennedy for the job.  Upon return to NYC at 27, he was honored for his work at a dinner attended by 2,000 people.  The excitement didn't end.

Jeffery Epstein didn't come into Trump's life until the mid to late 1980's.  This is after Cohn's death in 1986 at age 59.  The parallel I see between them is how connected they were.  Both amazingly well connected to the elite class, Cohn more so.  People are willing to overlook evil when someone is powerful.

Cohn was evil and unethical -- his influence on Trump is obvious today.

My bf said "why are you reading about Trump's lawyer who died 40 years ago?"  He made an indelible mark on U.S. history, that's why.  This just released book is worth reading. 

 

46 Days!

 

 

We are 46 days away from a momentous election.  I'm encouraged to see that there are some candidates who seem to be honorable people who will work for the people.  We need these people to stop Trump.

Abdul El-Sayed          Michigan

James Talarico            Texas 

Jon Ossoff                   Georgia

Roy Cooper                North Carolina 

Who else? 

When I was in school we learned that freedom of religion was one of the most important rights of everyone in the U.S.  It is sickening to see Trump and others use Abdul El-Sayed's faith against him. 

Another callout -- Senator Elizabeth Warren (and others) introduced a bill to bar private equity from owning physician practices. 

The Stop Corporate Takeovers of Physicians Act would ban corporations and private equity from owning physicians.

The bill is modeled on the landmark Oregon law that physicians have already used to successfully challenge corporate takeovers.

Back from NYC

 

 

I'm back from five days in NYC.  It was a great trip.  Two Broadway shows, some 30k step days, new areas of the city and lots of good food.

It was so surprising to me how the U.S. Open and Fashion Week upended the hotel market last week.  I had three free nights I needed to use.  For the four nights beginning on Wednesday I booked two nights in Manhattan next to Rockefeller Center and one in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.  I thought I would add a night to the Williamsburg stay and just pay for it.  I started watching the rates the week before and they were in the $400's.  I decided to wait.  Soon the rate was $750.  On the weekend it was up to $1200.  Monday/Tuesday the rate was still over $800.  I had to do something because I needed Wednesday night.  Even the Pod Hotel in Brooklyn and Manhattan was over $500.  I'm hesitant on two star hotels in NYC.  My bf kept pointing out $125 hotels in the Bronx -- no way. Finally I booked a hotel in the southern area of Brooklyn, near Sunset Park.  It was basic three star and I still had to pay $275.  I will be more careful about timing next time.  Two weeks ago there were good hotels in Manhattan going for $170.

It was good to explore other areas of the city.  I liked Williamsburg.  Domino Park was really nice.  We walked into L'Industrie for lunch with no wait.  I had no issue with Sunset Park either - it seemed safe.  We had lunch at a Mexican restaurant and my bf raved about it.  I had never been to Coney Island, so we took the 30 minute train ride to explore that area.

We walked from 48th St along the Waterfront Greenway (Empire State Trail) to 181st St in Washington Heights, and took the train back.

Once in a while you see crazy stuff on the subway.  Often it's some mentally ill person screaming, but worst case it's violence.  On one train ride there was a loud shirtless black guy who went up everyone on the train and said "You look like....."  He told people they looked like a bookmark or a transmission, and other bizarre things.   Everyone but one person looked down and ignored him.  He came to my bf, "You look like a bok choy."  I tried to keep from laughing.  We couldn't understand what he said to me.  The driver stopped the train and he had to get off.  

Soon I'm going to run out of magic tricks to get free or discounted hotel nights in NYC.   I'm not going to pay even $500, so I'll look at options that are one or two subway stops outside Manhattan.  Or find another city.  I could be content just staying in Brooklyn.  I don't want to stay anywhere near Time Sq again.  After five days I felt like I had enough of NYC.

No trips on the immediate horizon. 

Speaking About Jobs.....

 

We often use the term "W-2" employee in the U.S.  I think of it as a pejorative.  It basically means you're working for "the man".  For those outside the U.S., the w-2 is an earnings tax statement that you (and the IRS) get in January.  You're someone's employee.

Being someone's employee often sucks.  I know this from experience.

So I look at what else is out there that seems like a better gig.  Something with independence, geographic flexibility, decent compensation, interesting......and you as your own boss.

Internet gigs look interesting to me, but I'm sure they are more challenging than they look.  Restaurant reviews, travel reviews, gay travel reviews, creating short clips, so many different ideas.  I hear so often about people working from Bali with an internet business (influencer or whatever) that pays them $50k per month.  What's that old saying?  If it looks too good to be true.....

But there has to be some truth to the internet story or no one would do it. 

My one foray into the internet - this blog - isn't exactly a resounding success with 37 followers after a decade. 

I keep on having these two OF guys called "Wild Boys" pop up in my TikTok.  Supposedly they are making $100k per month.  Who knows if it's true.  They aren't even that good looking and the occasional short clip I see is terrible.  But $100k per month would be fantastic.  I digress, I bring up this extreme example but this isn't, and has never been, something for me.

I'm thinking about some kind of niche I could find for an online business.  This would fit perfectly with the life I want to live.  No great ideas yet.

I had a brief interview for an interim job last Thursday.  The recruiter said, "Oh, you're perfect for this job.  I need you to talk to my boss.  Are you available on Tuesday?"  Do you think she called me on Friday to schedule something?  This is why everyone hates recruiters.  If she wants me, she will call me.  I won't chase her. I'm so frustrated with this.

If I never get anything it's no big deal.  I'll just feel I failed.  Some gig that allows me to work four hours a day from Bali or Tangier is the dream. 

 

 

 

 

Taking Stock

 

Definition:

Taking stock means to pause, review a situation, and think carefully about your options before deciding what to do next.

 

It's now been about sixteen months since I left my job and decided to retire.  I had plans to make it a "semi" retirement.  I would work perhaps three months of the year.  That hasn't happened and I feel like I've done nothing for the last sixteen months.  

I feel like I've done nothing, but that really isn't true. I decided to go back month-by-month and create a high level diary I've what I've done.  This was a good idea because I realize it's not so bad.  I've had a number of trips.  I've been to visit family.  I've traveled with my bf.  I've taken a course.  I've looked for interim work.  I've gotten call backs.  Nothing came through.  I could have looked harder.

The hardest part for me is the boring eight or ten weeks at home between trips.  I am out walking/running, I'm exercising, I'm reading books, I'm taking care of personal business like medical appointments. I am in better shape and stronger.  I'm also wasting a lot of time wandering around my house, looking at TikTok and surfing the internet.  Some would call the last part "brain rot".

Some people retire and give up their home.  They just travel twelve months of the year.  That's not for me.  Some people relocate to Mexico, Spain or some other country.  Also not for me.  Travel for six months plus or minus?  That could work for me.

I knew a guy who retired from high level job.  He was bored and took a job at Starbucks.  I really don't want to do that.

I had some relatives who retired to Florida but also kept a small home on the Maine seacoast for the summers.  In Florida they mainly watched TV and drank manhattans.  Occasional golf and part-time jobs, but a lot of time in front of the tv.  They had about fifteen good years before health issues took their toll.  This is a scary scenario to me.  Watching tv most of the day....omg what a nightmare.  This is what I for sure do not want to do.

On the sofa all day = death.

If I don't find any interim job, it's no big deal.  I don't "need" to do it.  I'm thankful for that.  If I can get an interim job, especially during these few years before ss and medicare, it would complete things for me.    I'll look for some other options.  I need to be a little more creative.

I cancelled my trip to Portugal, Spain, maybe Morocco planned for October/November.  Why did you do that when you are complaining about too much time at home?  Being completely honest, my bf changed his plans and asked to stay at my place for November.  I'd rather cuddle with him here every night than travel by myself.  The emotion that drove the decision.

This weekend I'm "taking stock."  What's working?  What isn't?  What changes do I need to make. 

 

Does this make sense?

 I came across this and it seems to make a lot of sense to me... 

1.  Social media = validation disguised as connection

2.  Porn = loneliness disguised as pleasure

3. Alcohol = escape disguised as entertainment

4.  Drugs = numbness disguised as calm

5.  Endless scrolling = distraction disguised as relaxation

6.  Luxury = emptiness disguised as success

7.  Smoking = dependence disguised as stress relief

 

Asexual

 

Definition: 

An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction – they are not drawn to people sexually and do not desire to act upon attraction to others in a sexual way. Unlike celibacy, which is a choice to abstain from sexual activity, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are, just like other sexual orientations. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or better; we just face a different set of needs and challenges than most sexual people do. 

In this group of gay friends that my bf is on the edge of, there is a gay couple who are engaged.  However, one of the guys in this couple is having an NSA sexual relationship with another guy in the wider group.  "Why would he do that?  He's engaged." I asked.  The answer is that the other guy in the couple is asexual.  I questioned is there really such a thing as asexual?  How can someone be like that?  I've heard the term "asexual" used in a joking fashion about guys, but not as a serious diagnosis.  It is a real diagnosis, and there is actually an asexual pride flag (shown above).

It's important not to judge.  If this is the way the guy feels, then it's his preference, his business.  Maybe he gets satisfaction in a different way.

So many different stories coming out of this thirty person gay group that my bf tells me about.

What I'm Reading

 

I rarely read non-fiction.  This is a new and popular book, and I thought I'd try it.  More than 200 holds at my library.  It's an easy read.  I'm about half way through it.

Change in Plans

I was considering a trip to Portugal, Spain and Morocco in October.  I've nixed it.  No one to go with and my heart just wasn't into it.  Maybe next year.  I am for sure going to do my Asia trip.  Planned departure date January 20th. 

My bf can't extend his lease past October, and he asked if he can spend November at my place.  This is a good trade off for me.

I want to try to do some short road trips in November.  This will be different for me and certainly easier than flying somewhere.

There are no travel deals anymore.  Flying is so expensive now.  Probably because of oil prices and the demise of Spirit.  Flights I could buy for $80 last year are now over $200.

I can't believe another summer is nearly over.  Elections in two months and I'm hoping for real change.  That's the big upcoming event.  It's astounding that Trump sycophants are winning primary elections. Watching Lindsey Graham's sister was sickening.  I keep hearing that his approval rating is down to 33% -- really??  How can it possibly still be that high?  

I'm Back

 

The weekend in Montreal was fun.  We left on Tuesday morning.  It's a smaller city than Toronto with a European feel.  I would go back.

More travel challenges on this trip than I've experienced in a long while.  Two of the three legs of my trip were cancelled and rebooked to much later.  We were supposed to arrive in Montreal at 11am on Saturday.  Our flight was cancelled and we got there at 9pm.  My departure flight on Tuesday also cancelled an replaced with a crazy two stop routing through Halifax and Newark.  After an hour and a half on the phone I got it changed to something reasonable. 

The gay pride was smaller than Toronto and certainly tamer.  Montreal has a Gay Village that is considerably larger than Toronto.  My bf and I don't drink (boring people I guess) so we walked through the Village but that's all.   Toronto seems much bigger, and definitely more spread out.

Finding good restaurants is a challenge.  None of the ones we chose in Montreal really hit.  They weren't bad but nothing we would run back to. 

Next trip is NYC again in a month.   

What I'm Reading

 

So far this year I have read eleven books.  More than I've read for years.  I have a hold on American Scoundrel.  It's just being released and on order at the library.  Roy Cohn was a vile human being, but I think this will be an interesting story.

Donald Trump's two most important mentors:  Roy Cohn and Jeffrey Epstein.   Can you imagine?  

My New Thing

 

I've been meaning to get started with this for months.  Finally in the last two weeks I've done it.  And it is...

Kettlebell Training 

I'm finding that this is quite a workout.  It takes my heart rate into zone 4 sometimes.  So good for strength and cardio.  I'm just doing the basic moves with a 20 lb bell.  The guys giving kettlebell advice on YouTube are often using 30 KG bells or more.  So far it's been easy for me to do 25 minutes.  I'll work up to more and add some advanced movements.

I was getting bored with the other exercise routines I was doing.  Good to have something new and different. 

 

Advice to a Friend

It's nice when friends see me as a sounding board they can trust for advice or just listening on sensitive matters.

This weekend I had a call with a friend.  He's older than me, 60-something, gay, single, reasonably well off and retired.

He was telling me that as an older gay man he feels invisible and like damaged goods.  He hasn't met anyone.  He told me, " my sex life is jacking off.  I haven't been with a man in two years."  The reality is that there are many guys in this situation.

It's good that he is solution oriented, and not just complaining.  We talked a lot about possible ways to meet people.  This is a problem for all men over 50 -- not just gays.  Many men have few close friends and no relationships. You hear so many suggestions -- join a club or a bowling league.  I wouldn't do this and my friend is not interested either.  He's not big on gay dating apps either.  I did push back that you can't rule out everything.  If you do nothing, then not meeting anyone is a certainty.  There's luck involved here -- sometimes you try many things and none are successful.

I suggested going solo in the absence of a friend or partner.  That's better than doing nothing, and you can't let your life just go by, especially at this age.  Solo travelers are very common these days.

He told me the guys he has met were just turn-offs.  Poorly dressed, overweight and just looking really old.  He doesn't want to date Wilford Brimley.  They could be lying about their age, that's pretty common.  I asked jokingly, "bad haircuts too?"  

Tough problem to solve, and this is true for everyone.  But not insurmountable.  I guess my number one suggestion is just get out and do things -- local activities, travel, whatever.  Doing nothing is a death spiral.  Number two is stay in shape.  It's bad enough getting older, you don't also need to be overweight.  I think it also improves confidence.

I'm finishing a book on depression.  The author theorizes that depression is often caused by lack of social connections.  There could be something to this and we talked a bit about it.   

Any suggestions?  Who am I to give advice,  I met my bf on Grindr.