American Scoundrel

I just finished reading this book, a new biography of Roy Cohn.  Cohn was Trump's lawyer from 1973 until the mid-80's.  I have to say, he had a super interesting life.  Graduated from Columbia Law School at age 21.  He was an Assistant U.S. Attorney in NYC right after law school.  At 24 years old he was one of the prosecutors who sent Julius and Ethel Rosenberg to the electric chair.  At 26 he was Chief Counsel to Senator Joe McCarthy's Senate Subcommittee on Investigations.  He beat out Bobby Kennedy for the job.  Upon return to NYC at 27, he was honored for his work at a dinner attended by 2,000 people.  The excitement didn't end.

Jeffery Epstein didn't come into Trump's life until the mid to late 1980's.  This is after Cohn's death in 1986 at age 59.  The parallel I see between them is how connected they were.  Both amazingly well connected to the elite class, Cohn more so.  People are willing to overlook evil when someone is powerful.

Cohn was evil and unethical -- his influence on Trump is obvious today.

My bf said "why are you reading about Trump's lawyer who died 40 years ago?"  He made an indelible mark on U.S. history, that's why.  This just released book is worth reading. 

 

46 Days!

 

 

We are 46 days away from a momentous election.  I'm encouraged to see that there are some candidates who seem to be honorable people who will work for the people.  We need these people to stop Trump.

Abdul El-Sayed          Michigan

James Talarico            Texas 

Jon Ossoff                   Georgia

Roy Cooper                North Carolina 

Who else? 

When I was in school we learned that freedom of religion was one of the most important rights of everyone in the U.S.  It is sickening to see Trump and others use Abdul El-Sayed's faith against him. 

Another callout -- Senator Elizabeth Warren (and others) introduced a bill to bar private equity from owning physician practices. 

The Stop Corporate Takeovers of Physicians Act would ban corporations and private equity from owning physicians.

The bill is modeled on the landmark Oregon law that physicians have already used to successfully challenge corporate takeovers.

Back from NYC

 

 

I'm back from five days in NYC.  It was a great trip.  Two Broadway shows, some 30k step days, new areas of the city and lots of good food.

It was so surprising to me how the U.S. Open and Fashion Week upended the hotel market last week.  I had three free nights I needed to use.  For the four nights beginning on Wednesday I booked two nights in Manhattan next to Rockefeller Center and one in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.  I thought I would add a night to the Williamsburg stay and just pay for it.  I started watching the rates the week before and they were in the $400's.  I decided to wait.  Soon the rate was $750.  On the weekend it was up to $1200.  Monday/Tuesday the rate was still over $800.  I had to do something because I needed Wednesday night.  Even the Pod Hotel in Brooklyn and Manhattan was over $500.  I'm hesitant on two star hotels in NYC.  My bf kept pointing out $125 hotels in the Bronx -- no way. Finally I booked a hotel in the southern area of Brooklyn, near Sunset Park.  It was basic three star and I still had to pay $275.  I will be more careful about timing next time.  Two weeks ago there were good hotels in Manhattan going for $170.

It was good to explore other areas of the city.  I liked Williamsburg.  Domino Park was really nice.  We walked into L'Industrie for lunch with no wait.  I had no issue with Sunset Park either - it seemed safe.  We had lunch at a Mexican restaurant and my bf raved about it.  I had never been to Coney Island, so we took the 30 minute train ride to explore that area.

We walked from 48th St along the Waterfront Greenway (Empire State Trail) to 181st St in Washington Heights, and took the train back.

Once in a while you see crazy stuff on the subway.  Often it's some mentally ill person screaming, but worst case it's violence.  On one train ride there was a loud shirtless black guy who went up everyone on the train and said "You look like....."  He told people they looked like a bookmark or a transmission, and other bizarre things.   Everyone but one person looked down and ignored him.  He came to my bf, "You look like a bok choy."  I tried to keep from laughing.  We couldn't understand what he said to me.  The driver stopped the train and he had to get off.  

Soon I'm going to run out of magic tricks to get free or discounted hotel nights in NYC.   I'm not going to pay even $500, so I'll look at options that are one or two subway stops outside Manhattan.  Or find another city.  I could be content just staying in Brooklyn.  I don't want to stay anywhere near Time Sq again.  After five days I felt like I had enough of NYC.

No trips on the immediate horizon. 

Speaking About Jobs.....

 

We often use the term "W-2" employee in the U.S.  I think of it as a pejorative.  It basically means you're working for "the man".  For those outside the U.S., the w-2 is an earnings tax statement that you (and the IRS) get in January.  You're someone's employee.

Being someone's employee often sucks.  I know this from experience.

So I look at what else is out there that seems like a better gig.  Something with independence, geographic flexibility, decent compensation, interesting......and you as your own boss.

Internet gigs look interesting to me, but I'm sure they are more challenging than they look.  Restaurant reviews, travel reviews, gay travel reviews, creating short clips, so many different ideas.  I hear so often about people working from Bali with an internet business (influencer or whatever) that pays them $50k per month.  What's that old saying?  If it looks too good to be true.....

But there has to be some truth to the internet story or no one would do it. 

My one foray into the internet - this blog - isn't exactly a resounding success with 37 followers after a decade. 

I keep on having these two OF guys called "Wild Boys" pop up in my TikTok.  Supposedly they are making $100k per month.  Who knows if it's true.  They aren't even that good looking and the occasional short clip I see is terrible.  But $100k per month would be fantastic.  I digress, I bring up this extreme example but this isn't, and has never been, something for me.

I'm thinking about some kind of niche I could find for an online business.  This would fit perfectly with the life I want to live.  No great ideas yet.

I had a brief interview for an interim job last Thursday.  The recruiter said, "Oh, you're perfect for this job.  I need you to talk to my boss.  Are you available on Tuesday?"  Do you think she called me on Friday to schedule something?  This is why everyone hates recruiters.  If she wants me, she will call me.  I won't chase her. I'm so frustrated with this.

If I never get anything it's no big deal.  I'll just feel I failed.  Some gig that allows me to work four hours a day from Bali or Tangier is the dream. 

 

 

 

 

Taking Stock

 

Definition:

Taking stock means to pause, review a situation, and think carefully about your options before deciding what to do next.

 

It's now been about sixteen months since I left my job and decided to retire.  I had plans to make it a "semi" retirement.  I would work perhaps three months of the year.  That hasn't happened and I feel like I've done nothing for the last sixteen months.  

I feel like I've done nothing, but that really isn't true. I decided to go back month-by-month and create a high level diary I've what I've done.  This was a good idea because I realize it's not so bad.  I've had a number of trips.  I've been to visit family.  I've traveled with my bf.  I've taken a course.  I've looked for interim work.  I've gotten call backs.  Nothing came through.  I could have looked harder.

The hardest part for me is the boring eight or ten weeks at home between trips.  I am out walking/running, I'm exercising, I'm reading books, I'm taking care of personal business like medical appointments. I am in better shape and stronger.  I'm also wasting a lot of time wandering around my house, looking at TikTok and surfing the internet.  Some would call the last part "brain rot".

Some people retire and give up their home.  They just travel twelve months of the year.  That's not for me.  Some people relocate to Mexico, Spain or some other country.  Also not for me.  Travel for six months plus or minus?  That could work for me.

I knew a guy who retired from high level job.  He was bored and took a job at Starbucks.  I really don't want to do that.

I had some relatives who retired to Florida but also kept a small home on the Maine seacoast for the summers.  In Florida they mainly watched TV and drank manhattans.  Occasional golf and part-time jobs, but a lot of time in front of the tv.  They had about fifteen good years before health issues took their toll.  This is a scary scenario to me.  Watching tv most of the day....omg what a nightmare.  This is what I for sure do not want to do.

On the sofa all day = death.

If I don't find any interim job, it's no big deal.  I don't "need" to do it.  I'm thankful for that.  If I can get an interim job, especially during these few years before ss and medicare, it would complete things for me.    I'll look for some other options.  I need to be a little more creative.

I cancelled my trip to Portugal, Spain, maybe Morocco planned for October/November.  Why did you do that when you are complaining about too much time at home?  Being completely honest, my bf changed his plans and asked to stay at my place for November.  I'd rather cuddle with him here every night than travel by myself.  The emotion that drove the decision.

This weekend I'm "taking stock."  What's working?  What isn't?  What changes do I need to make. 

 

Does this make sense?

 I came across this and it seems to make a lot of sense to me... 

1.  Social media = validation disguised as connection

2.  Porn = loneliness disguised as pleasure

3. Alcohol = escape disguised as entertainment

4.  Drugs = numbness disguised as calm

5.  Endless scrolling = distraction disguised as relaxation

6.  Luxury = emptiness disguised as success

7.  Smoking = dependence disguised as stress relief

 

Asexual

 

Definition: 

An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction – they are not drawn to people sexually and do not desire to act upon attraction to others in a sexual way. Unlike celibacy, which is a choice to abstain from sexual activity, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are, just like other sexual orientations. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or better; we just face a different set of needs and challenges than most sexual people do. 

In this group of gay friends that my bf is on the edge of, there is a gay couple who are engaged.  However, one of the guys in this couple is having an NSA sexual relationship with another guy in the wider group.  "Why would he do that?  He's engaged." I asked.  The answer is that the other guy in the couple is asexual.  I questioned is there really such a thing as asexual?  How can someone be like that?  I've heard the term "asexual" used in a joking fashion about guys, but not as a serious diagnosis.  It is a real diagnosis, and there is actually an asexual pride flag (shown above).

It's important not to judge.  If this is the way the guy feels, then it's his preference, his business.  Maybe he gets satisfaction in a different way.

So many different stories coming out of this thirty person gay group that my bf tells me about.

What I'm Reading

 

I rarely read non-fiction.  This is a new and popular book, and I thought I'd try it.  More than 200 holds at my library.  It's an easy read.  I'm about half way through it.

Change in Plans

I was considering a trip to Portugal, Spain and Morocco in October.  I've nixed it.  No one to go with and my heart just wasn't into it.  Maybe next year.  I am for sure going to do my Asia trip.  Planned departure date January 20th. 

My bf can't extend his lease past October, and he asked if he can spend November at my place.  This is a good trade off for me.

I want to try to do some short road trips in November.  This will be different for me and certainly easier than flying somewhere.

There are no travel deals anymore.  Flying is so expensive now.  Probably because of oil prices and the demise of Spirit.  Flights I could buy for $80 last year are now over $200.

I can't believe another summer is nearly over.  Elections in two months and I'm hoping for real change.  That's the big upcoming event.  It's astounding that Trump sycophants are winning primary elections. Watching Lindsey Graham's sister was sickening.  I keep hearing that his approval rating is down to 33% -- really??  How can it possibly still be that high?  

I'm Back

 

The weekend in Montreal was fun.  We left on Tuesday morning.  It's a smaller city than Toronto with a European feel.  I would go back.

More travel challenges on this trip than I've experienced in a long while.  Two of the three legs of my trip were cancelled and rebooked to much later.  We were supposed to arrive in Montreal at 11am on Saturday.  Our flight was cancelled and we got there at 9pm.  My departure flight on Tuesday also cancelled an replaced with a crazy two stop routing through Halifax and Newark.  After an hour and a half on the phone I got it changed to something reasonable. 

The gay pride was smaller than Toronto and certainly tamer.  Montreal has a Gay Village that is considerably larger than Toronto.  My bf and I don't drink (boring people I guess) so we walked through the Village but that's all.   Toronto seems much bigger, and definitely more spread out.

Finding good restaurants is a challenge.  None of the ones we chose in Montreal really hit.  They weren't bad but nothing we would run back to. 

Next trip is NYC again in a month.   

What I'm Reading

 

So far this year I have read eleven books.  More than I've read for years.  I have a hold on American Scoundrel.  It's just being released and on order at the library.  Roy Cohn was a vile human being, but I think this will be an interesting story.

Donald Trump's two most important mentors:  Roy Cohn and Jeffrey Epstein.   Can you imagine?  

My New Thing

 

I've been meaning to get started with this for months.  Finally in the last two weeks I've done it.  And it is...

Kettlebell Training 

I'm finding that this is quite a workout.  It takes my heart rate into zone 4 sometimes.  So good for strength and cardio.  I'm just doing the basic moves with a 20 lb bell.  The guys giving kettlebell advice on YouTube are often using 30 KG bells or more.  So far it's been easy for me to do 25 minutes.  I'll work up to more and add some advanced movements.

I was getting bored with the other exercise routines I was doing.  Good to have something new and different. 

 

Advice to a Friend

It's nice when friends see me as a sounding board they can trust for advice or just listening on sensitive matters.

This weekend I had a call with a friend.  He's older than me, 60-something, gay, single, reasonably well off and retired.

He was telling me that as an older gay man he feels invisible and like damaged goods.  He hasn't met anyone.  He told me, " my sex life is jacking off.  I haven't been with a man in two years."  The reality is that there are many guys in this situation.

It's good that he is solution oriented, and not just complaining.  We talked a lot about possible ways to meet people.  This is a problem for all men over 50 -- not just gays.  Many men have few close friends and no relationships. You hear so many suggestions -- join a club or a bowling league.  I wouldn't do this and my friend is not interested either.  He's not big on gay dating apps either.  I did push back that you can't rule out everything.  If you do nothing, then not meeting anyone is a certainty.  There's luck involved here -- sometimes you try many things and none are successful.

I suggested going solo in the absence of a friend or partner.  That's better than doing nothing, and you can't let your life just go by, especially at this age.  Solo travelers are very common these days.

He told me the guys he has met were just turn-offs.  Poorly dressed, overweight and just looking really old.  He doesn't want to date Wilford Brimley.  They could be lying about their age, that's pretty common.  I asked jokingly, "bad haircuts too?"  

Tough problem to solve, and this is true for everyone.  But not insurmountable.  I guess my number one suggestion is just get out and do things -- local activities, travel, whatever.  Doing nothing is a death spiral.  Number two is stay in shape.  It's bad enough getting older, you don't also need to be overweight.  I think it also improves confidence.

I'm finishing a book on depression.  The author theorizes that depression is often caused by lack of social connections.  There could be something to this and we talked a bit about it.   

Any suggestions?  Who am I to give advice,  I met my bf on Grindr. 

  

    

Next Trip

 

I'm off to Toronto next week for 12 days.  My bf was visiting me for six weeks in May and June, and I miss having him in my bed to cuddle up to.  So excited to spend time in Toronto.  Looking for some new restaurants to try.  I have my favorites, but want to try new ones as there is no shortage.  Definitely will go to the Toronto Islands.  My bf asked if I want to go to Hanlan's Point nude beach....maybe 😜.  As an added twist, we will go to Montreal on my last weekend.  I've never been there, a new place is always exciting.  It happens to be the Gay Pride that weekend too.  I've heard Montreal is a little more wild than Toronto, so that will be fun.

This is Hard

 

This exercise is harder than it looks.  Finally I can do it.  Need to improve my form a bit to do it like this guy.

Closetocracy

Hunter Biden has been making the rounds to various podcasts.  He claims that there is a group of very powerful people in government, mostly Republicans, who are gay.  He calls it a "cabal" or a "closetocracy."  Lindsey Graham was the most prominent of the group, but there are many others. 

Hunter Biden isn't exactly an upstanding citizen.  I'm not exactly sure what he's trying to accomplish.  It's fairly obvious he's an angry guy.  He benefited from his father's presidency, but says that the Trumps have taken it to an entirely different realm.  I believe that.  

I'm surprised none of these guys has been publicly outed.  Anything is possible in the toxicity of Washington.

Being Present

 

It's only in the last few years that I am understanding what it means to be "present".  I'm one of those people whose mind is often everywhere.  I'm thinking about so many other things, often past events, while ignoring what's going on around me.  Sometimes I will be watching tv and realize I have no idea what happened in the last 30 minutes.  Sometimes I'm thinking about negative events in my life that I could have or wished that I handled better.  Why??  Do I think I can rewrite the past years later? 

Someone suggested that I read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.  A little difficult for me to absorb.

So "being present" means focused on what is going on around me, and not mentally somewhere else.

So when I'm cooking for 16 people I have to be present.  Following recipes, ingredients on the counter, pots simmering on the stove, turkey in the oven.  Knowing how long each dish takes to make and cook with a 2pm dinner on the table target means the day has to be carefully choreographed.  Altruistic acts are also a driver of happiness.

When I travel I often go with a rough plan and handle the details day by day.  That means booking hotels, deciding on what sights to see, figuring out how to go from one place to another.  This planning along with taking in a completely new and usually totally foreign location forces me to be present.  Experiences are drivers of happiness more that just buying "things". 

Being fully present in the moment, not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, increases happiness.

What makes me happy....

 

I think a lot about what makes me happy.  That means thinking back about experiences.  What left me with a warm feeling?  An experience I feel good about reminiscing about?  I would want to do more of these kinds of activities.

Last year I made Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners for sixteen people.  Mostly family and my father who is going on 87, but still driving and active.  I have quite a few family members who are over 75 years old and for some of them, they are slowing down a lot.  One of my aunts came to Christmas dinner for the first time in many years.  She didn't want to go to her daughter's (my cousin) because she didn't want to go somewhere she wasn't wanted.  Another aunt was recently widowed and has no one else.

My own cooking skills surprised me.  The group was so complimentary at the number of side dishes I made.  They raved about the white chocolate cheesecake.  I really felt like the praise was genuine.  People came back for more servings.  They wouldn't have done that of they didn't like it.

My father was really happy with the dinners, and also so happy to host such a large gathering.

Thinking back, I have a warm, good feeling about these holidays.  I want to do it again this year and in the future.   

I found that some of my trips, where I am so engrossed in my travels and so present, also make me happy.

Sometimes when sitting at home I will dwell on negative things that happened in the past.   Why didn't I handle it differently and generally overthinking.  What is the point of that?   I need to focus on what has made me happy and repeat.

WTF was that?

Trump gave a speech on election integrity on Thursday night.   Can anyone tell me what he said?   What a confusing mess.  He just looks more and more unhinged.

Maybe he should have his testosterone tested? 

Sexual Harassment

 

 

My bf was just at a small dinner party with members of this gay group he's on the fringes of.  One of the guys was telling them how he was recently a victim of sexual harassment.  He just returned from China on a very long flight.  He decided to get a massage from someone a friend recommended.  He was so tired he fell asleep during the massage.  He awoke to find that his shorts were taken off, the masseur had jacked him off and was now wiping him off.  He said he was asleep and didn't consent to this.  He made a report to the police.  Two other guys at the dinner know this masseur.  One had hooked up with him and another had dated him for a few weeks.  

I find it a bit unbelievable that this could happen without the guy waking up.  Since he's a gay masseur who specializes in gay clients, especially Asian guys, maybe this is just part of his normal services.  I think it's kind of overreaction to go to the police with this.  My bf insists it's sexual harassment. 

Apparently the masseur had to do some community service.  However I was telling my bf that in the US he probably would have done jail time and been placed on the sexual predator list.