So far this year I have read eleven books. More than I've read for years. I have a hold on American Scoundrel. It's just being released and on order at the library. Roy Cohn was a vile human being, but I think this will be an interesting story.
Donald Trump's two most important mentors: Roy Cohn and Jeffrey Epstein. Can you imagine?
I've been meaning to get started with this for months. Finally in the last two weeks I've done it. And it is...
Kettlebell Training
I'm finding that this is quite a workout. It takes my heart rate into zone 4 sometimes. So good for strength and cardio. I'm just doing the basic moves with a 20 lb bell. The guys giving kettlebell advice on YouTube are often using 30 KG bells or more. So far it's been easy for me to do 25 minutes. I'll work up to more and add some advanced movements.
I was getting bored with the other exercise routines I was doing. Good to have something new and different.
It's nice when friends see me as a sounding board they can trust for advice or just listening on sensitive matters.
This weekend I had a call with a friend. He's older than me, 60-something, gay, single, reasonably well off and retired.
He was telling me that as an older gay man he feels invisible and like damaged goods. He hasn't met anyone. He told me, " my sex life is jacking off. I haven't been with a man in two years." The reality is that there are many guys in this situation.
It's good that he is solution oriented, and not just complaining. We talked a lot about possible ways to meet people. This is a problem for all men over 50 -- not just gays. Many men have few close friends and no relationships. You hear so many suggestions -- join a club or a bowling league. I wouldn't do this and my friend is not interested either. He's not big on gay dating apps either. I did push back that you can't rule out everything. If you do nothing, then not meeting anyone is a certainty. There's luck involved here -- sometimes you try many things and none are successful.
I suggested going solo in the absence of a friend or partner. That's better than doing nothing, and you can't let your life just go by, especially at this age. Solo travelers are very common these days.
He told me the guys he has met were just turn-offs. Poorly dressed, overweight and just looking really old. He doesn't want to date Wilford Brimley. They could be lying about their age, that's pretty common. I asked jokingly, "bad haircuts too?"
Tough problem to solve, and this is true for everyone. But not insurmountable. I guess my number one suggestion is just get out and do things -- local activities, travel, whatever. Doing nothing is a death spiral. Number two is stay in shape. It's bad enough getting older, you don't also need to be overweight. I think it also improves confidence.
I'm finishing a book on depression. The author theorizes that depression is often caused by lack of social connections. There could be something to this and we talked a bit about it.
Any suggestions? Who am I to give advice, I met my bf on Grindr.
I'm off to Toronto next week for 12 days. My bf was visiting me for six weeks in May and June, and I miss having him in my bed to cuddle up to. So excited to spend time in Toronto. Looking for some new restaurants to try. I have my favorites, but want to try new ones as there is no shortage. Definitely will go to the Toronto Islands. My bf asked if I want to go to Hanlan's Point nude beach....maybe 😜. As an added twist, we will go to Montreal on my last weekend. I've never been there, a new place is always exciting. It happens to be the Gay Pride that weekend too. I've heard Montreal is a little more wild than Toronto, so that will be fun.
This exercise is harder than it looks. Finally I can do it. Need to improve my form a bit to do it like this guy.
Hunter Biden has been making the rounds to various podcasts. He claims that there is a group of very powerful people in government, mostly Republicans, who are gay. He calls it a "cabal" or a "closetocracy." Lindsey Graham was the most prominent of the group, but there are many others.
Hunter Biden isn't exactly an upstanding citizen. I'm not exactly sure what he's trying to accomplish. It's fairly obvious he's an angry guy. He benefited from his father's presidency, but says that the Trumps have taken it to an entirely different realm. I believe that.
I'm surprised none of these guys has been publicly outed. Anything is possible in the toxicity of Washington.
It's only in the last few years that I am understanding what it means to be "present". I'm one of those people whose mind is often everywhere. I'm thinking about so many other things, often past events, while ignoring what's going on around me. Sometimes I will be watching tv and realize I have no idea what happened in the last 30 minutes. Sometimes I'm thinking about negative events in my life that I could have or wished that I handled better. Why?? Do I think I can rewrite the past years later?
Someone suggested that I read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. A little difficult for me to absorb.
So "being present" means focused on what is going on around me, and not mentally somewhere else.
So when I'm cooking for 16 people I have to be present. Following recipes, ingredients on the counter, pots simmering on the stove, turkey in the oven. Knowing how long each dish takes to make and cook with a 2pm dinner on the table target means the day has to be carefully choreographed. Altruistic acts are also a driver of happiness.
When I travel I often go with a rough plan and handle the details day by day. That means booking hotels, deciding on what sights to see, figuring out how to go from one place to another. This planning along with taking in a completely new and usually totally foreign location forces me to be present. Experiences are drivers of happiness more that just buying "things".
Being fully present in the moment, not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, increases happiness.
I think a lot about what makes me happy. That means thinking back about experiences. What left me with a warm feeling? An experience I feel good about reminiscing about? I would want to do more of these kinds of activities.
Last year I made Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners for sixteen people. Mostly family and my father who is going on 87, but still driving and active. I have quite a few family members who are over 75 years old and for some of them, they are slowing down a lot. One of my aunts came to Christmas dinner for the first time in many years. She didn't want to go to her daughter's (my cousin) because she didn't want to go somewhere she wasn't wanted. Another aunt was recently widowed and has no one else.
My own cooking skills surprised me. The group was so complimentary at the number of side dishes I made. They raved about the white chocolate cheesecake. I really felt like the praise was genuine. People came back for more servings. They wouldn't have done that of they didn't like it.
My father was really happy with the dinners, and also so happy to host such a large gathering.
Thinking back, I have a warm, good feeling about these holidays. I want to do it again this year and in the future.
I found that some of my trips, where I am so engrossed in my travels and so present, also make me happy.
Sometimes when sitting at home I will dwell on negative things that happened in the past. Why didn't I handle it differently and generally overthinking. What is the point of that? I need to focus on what has made me happy and repeat.
Trump gave a speech on election integrity on Thursday night. Can anyone tell me what he said? What a confusing mess. He just looks more and more unhinged.
Maybe he should have his testosterone tested?
My bf was just at a small dinner party with members of this gay group he's on the fringes of. One of the guys was telling them how he was recently a victim of sexual harassment. He just returned from China on a very long flight. He decided to get a massage from someone a friend recommended. He was so tired he fell asleep during the massage. He awoke to find that his shorts were taken off, the masseur had jacked him off and was now wiping him off. He said he was asleep and didn't consent to this. He made a report to the police. Two other guys at the dinner know this masseur. One had hooked up with him and another had dated him for a few weeks.
I find it a bit unbelievable that this could happen without the guy waking up. Since he's a gay masseur who specializes in gay clients, especially Asian guys, maybe this is just part of his normal services. I think it's kind of overreaction to go to the police with this. My bf insists it's sexual harassment.
Apparently the masseur had to do some community service. However I was telling my bf that in the US he probably would have done jail time and been placed on the sexual predator list.
Can we add to this "abandon all personal values and honor in order to suck up to power"?
Watching clips of the confirmation hearings of Todd Blanche and Jay Clayton yesterday was sickening. Evasive and in some cases provably dishonest. Refusing to answer who won the 2020 Presidential election.
Todd Blanche was at one time an Assistant US Attorney in NY. Jay Clayton was a Sullivan and Cromwell partner. What happened to these people?
I guess ask JD Vance.
I want to walk the Manhattan Waterfront Greenway. The trail map is depicted above and is 32 miles. It goes completely around the island.
The part of the trail that goes up the west side of Manhattan is called the Hudson River Greenway, and it is also part of the Empire State Trail. When I walked on the west side waterfront in May I saw signs for the Empire State Trail, and that's what caused my error.
The other two parts of the Manhattan Waterfront Greenway are the East River Greenway and the Harlem River Greenway.
Now we have that straight. Thanks Michael for your comment that led me to take another look. 32 miles is enough for me!!
As an FYI, lots of eye candy on the Hudson River Greenway.
Does everyone have a bucket list of some sort? These are a list of experiences or achievements one hopes to have in their lifetime. It's called a "bucket list" because it's comprised of things you want to do before you "kick the bucket".
Bucket lists ties back to my previous post about having things in your life to look forward to.
Bucket lists have to be rationalized. Having a bucket list of things that are financially a stretch or not achievable will negatively impact your happiness. Crossing things off the list that you don't really need to do is a good exercise to reduce your "wants". Doing something on your bucket list is a good way to temporarily increase your happiness. Adapting your bucket list to your reality is a good way to permanently increase your happiness.
I have a long trip to Asia in January on my bucket list. I also have an annual trip to NYC, and this year it will likely be two. I want to do a trans-Atlantic cruise, like Barcelona to Miami, and I'm thinking about that for the fall. Fly Singapore Airlines JFK to SIN, in business class. Try at least three new restaurants in Toronto, since I spend a fair amount of time there. Walk the entire Empire State trail (but not in one day!). Everything on the bucket list needn't be expensive. Some small ticket items can bring just as much happiness as the big ticket ones.
At some point in my life I will have to start crossing off bucket list items because I can't do them, hopefully that happens later than sooner.
As I've mentioned before, the last year has flown by and I feel like I've accomplished very little. Sure I had a number of trips, but things I told myself I would do last year didn't get done. I need to be more intentional about how I spend my time.
I don't want to wake up one day and realize so much time has gone by, and there are all these things I wanted to do, and didn't do them.
It's so important to have things in your life to look forward to. It could be a visit, or even a phone call, with friends. A holiday with family. A trip. Many things.
Something are just handed to you. The holiday gathering. The visit from friends. Some things you have to make happen, such as the trip.
I stopped working a year ago. It feels like a year has blown by and I've done very little. I've had some trips. My bf visited for a while. I have these long stretches, sometimes eight weeks, where I am just sitting at home without much to do. Sure, I'm walking, exercising, reading books. However, I'm feeling somewhat unfulfilled by that. I didn't complete some goals I had.
What are you looking forward to?
Thinking about gratitude. This week I had a chest cold. A productive cough and just not feeling up to par. I was able to take things easier this week. Contrast my situation to my Burmese friend who owns something like a food stall. We were just talking about how he has no safety net if he's sick. If he's sick he still has to work. I imagine some friends would jump in if he was so sick that he absolutely could not work, but that would take heroic efforts. So I am grateful for my situation.
I saw this and was thinking about my own life. I've checked off some of the regrets I have. Some, like working too much, I can't do anything about that now. I'm past working. Others, like calling family too little, I feel like I've fixed in the last five years.
Waiting for perfect timing - I'm cognizant of that now and doing better.
Staying in toxic places - I'm not in a toxic place now, but wish I had left toxic places sooner in the past.
I'm also a lot more cognizant of gratitude over the last few years. I might not be happy with everything in my life, but I am relatively better off than most people and have no right to complain.
Just returned from a week in New England. Four weeks at home, and then I'm off to Toronto for a few weeks. Speaking of "no perfect timing," I'm thinking about a trip somewhere in October. Undecided.
Last night by bf cuddled up next to me in bed. He ran his hands over me. "Your body is becoming quite muscular," he said.
Why can't I post comments? I keep getting an error, "Failed to publish. Please try again later"
I notice one very common theme among self-help books -- stop caring about what other people think of you. Think about Mel Robbins - "The Let Them Theory", "The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fu&k", "The Courage to be Disliked", "The Art of Letting Go", "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fu&k".....the list goes on and on.
The fact that this is a topic in many self-help books indicates (to me anyway) that it's a problem for a lot of people.
I agree, it's all good advice. The reality is that probably no one is thinking about you anyway. Even though this seems easy, it can actually be difficult. If you are caring about what others think, then you are forever their prisoner. Great saying. You're wasting a lot of time.
Sometimes I just want to vanish. I don't want anyone thinking about me or looking me up. The reality is that probably no one cares and this is not anything I need to worry about. That's why I don't really need to vanish.
This kind of self-help advice is similar to "stop agonizing over the past -- you can't change it so move on."
