Saturday, October 29, 2022

Vacation Approaching! Yay!

 I had to reshuffle my vacation.   Can't take the second week of November.  Now it will be three and a half weeks starting at the end of this month.  Flying into Singapore and will figure things out from there.   I really want to go to Penang.   So that's in my plan for a few days.   Also thinking to go to KL from there.   I can take the bus and use up my Aeroline credits from my last trip.

I just need to some how make my way to Bangkok before December 19th.

I am not changing this!   The vacation is use or lose by Dec 31st.  

Going to Asia will completely take my mind off work.  I'll enjoy the fresh fruit in the morning and walking on the beach.  I am 23 months to Day Zero -- that's when I was planning to transition to an easier life.  Easier life means far less money.  A trade off I have to make.  I'm looking forward to the day I'm working remotely from somewhere -- Portugal, Mexico, Singapore, Penang.   All options.

Monday, September 5, 2022

50 is the new 70?


Often I'll hear the phrase, "70 is the new 50."   I think in the gay world "50 is the new 70."    It's hard even when you get above 40.  Harder if you look older and get fat.

It sounds so easy.  I just need to meet more people, take more of a risk and meet people.  There's no question I'm overly cautious about meeting people.  I just need to exercise more.  I just need to join some groups.   The problem is that when I leave for work at 7:15 and don't get home until 6:30 or often later, I'm tired.  Often I finish some work after eating.  There's not much time or energy to do these things.  Given this life, what do I expect will happen?

One day I worked from home.  I slept in a bit later.   I made coffee at home and enjoyed it while I watched the morning news.   I had a doctor appointment at 1pm.  I really enjoyed this -- I mean the day at home.  Wow, you must be doesn't take much.

Less than four more months of the calendar year, and for two of them I will barely be at work.  Two weeks of use or lose vacation in both November and December.  With the holiday weeks also in those months I will barely be at work.

I'll go somewhere in November.  Maybe Mexico.  I'm really looking forward to Asia in December.  I'm flying into KL but will spend most of the trip in Thailand.  Malaysia and Thailand are interesting countries, inexpensive, and the people are friendly.  I'd like to add another country or two to my list of visited countries, but probably not possible this time.  I have a habit of packing too much into vacations and want to avoid this.  I was thinking Vietnam, but maybe next time.

My friend I met in Malaysia during the last trip, now almost three years ago, it coming with me.  I hope nothing changes with that.  Worst case I travel alone.

I used to feel bad about traveling alone.  Having read some other perspectives on this, now I don't. When I'm traveling alone I am far more likely to meet new people.   That's part of the adventure.

Ideally in a few years I will work remotely in one of these countries for four months of the year.

I did exchange texts with Indian guy yesterday.  I reached out....I need to be more proactive.  He has family visiting now.  He will call me in next few weeks.  I doubt he ever will.   That's my gut feel.  This is interesting because we did have a good, open conversation and I thought some connection, and some sex.  He is also a shy, introverted guy.   Why wouldn't he at least keep me as a friend.....even if no sex?  I'm disappointed, but it's his loss.     

Anyway, this situation is one I've been dealing with for years.  Friends have psychoanalyzed me from afar.  Many of their comments are spot on.   I understand this, but haven't made the changes.

Saturday, September 3, 2022

Catching Up

Super busy summer and I haven't kept up with this blog.

First was a big work project that kept me crazy busy in June and most of July.   I was in Europe for three weeks.  Mostly business but I did squeeze in a few days of vacation in Spain.  Barcelona, Sitges and Madrid.  It was super hot in Spain.  I had to stay inside mid-day.   I came back from my excursions soaked in sweat, even though I was just in shorts and a t-shirt.   Spain was great.  Loved the Serrano ham in Barcelona.  I want to go back.

I was supposed to be arriving in Kuala Lumpur this morning.  But I'm not.  Vacation cancelled again due to urgent work trip.  Now it's pushed to December 1st.  There are no flights on Qatar Airways at that time.  FIFA Worldcup is going on in Doha so they are completely booked.   Disappointed that I can't transit through Doha, but I did find flights on Cathay Pacific.  This is it.  I'm not cancelling again.

I haven't really met anyone.  I really feel lonely.  What is a 50 something guy supposed to do?   I usually have good luck with Asian guys, but there are few of them where I now live.  I need a new strategy or different niche.  There has to be a solution here.   I did meet one Indian guy in early July.  He was 40-something, shy, but nice.  We had a good conversation.  I was about to leave for Europe, and he was headed to India to visit family.  I just texted him, but no response yet.  It will be disappointing if he blows me off.

I need somehow to build a small circle of friends here.   In this city where I've lived for three years and feel like I know no one.   When I leave for work at 7 and return home at 7 it's hard to have energy for other things.  Feels like I keep saying the same a do loop I can't get out of.

I need to relax.  Peace.

Sunday, June 12, 2022


All this talk about vacations.   Scheduled several times and cancelled several times.

Now it seems the world is getting back to normal.   I've schedule vacations and this time it's highly likely that I will actually get to take them.   I have five weeks of vacation that I have to use (or lose) by this Fall.  I'm NOT losing them!

Next month I have a business trip to Europe.  Since my connection goes through Madrid, I added on a week in Spain.   I've never been to Spain.  I am looking forward to seeing Barcelona, Sitges and Madrid.

My long planned trip to Asia is now scheduled for September.  My Malaysian friend who I met in 2020 will accompany me.  I have a good feeling about him, and I'll get to know him better during the trip.  He is struggling with a few personal issues.  His house was burglarized and Macbook stolen.  His boss is making his life difficult.  I'm happy that we can have this vacation together.  I'm planning Phuket and Bangkok, but would like to see Langkawi too.  I'm just not sure if the ferry from Langkawi to Phuket is operating.  I will fly into KL and we will figure things out.  I'm going to the same hotel in the Ampang area where we met.

I think I'll squeeze in a few days in Mexico City in August.  Some r&r as well as more Spanish lessons.

So now until October is looking good.

Sunday, February 27, 2022

Exit Plan

There are several bloggers I read who are within a year retirement.  I can feel their eagerness to be done with work as I read their posts.

I need an exit plan too.

My work is exhausting.  I'm sick of working nearly 60 hours a week.   I'm sick of not being able to disconnect.   I'm sick of having my vacations cancelled.  I'm sick of some of the people I work with.

I've just had some work events happen that pushed me over the edge.  I often think about quitting.  But that would be stupid.  The best thing for me to do is hang in there.  Another two or three years.  Even if I get fired and collect a severance that is better than quitting.   I need to think rationally.

I'm within a decade of turning 65.  But I'll never make it that long.   I need to check out around age 60.

I'm thinking about a downshift plan.  A less demanding job that would allow for mostly remote work.  I want to be able to work remotely from anywhere.  I would spend at least four months of the year traveling.

Why not just retire at 60?  I'd be bored.   I need something to do.  But I want it to be just the normal eight hours per day.   I don't want to think about it when my eight hours is up.  I don't need to make a huge amount of money, but I do need medical insurance.

I think of family who retired in their early 60's to Arizona and Florida.  They watched tv and drank Manhattans all day.   Occasionally going out for a game of shuffleboard or buffet at the VFW.   I don't want that.

The downshift plan.   That's what I'm calling it.  Now I need to figure out what will I do?  What job could I prepare for that will tick my boxes?

Sunday, January 23, 2022

I Just Need One or Two

I keep seeing articles on loneliness everywhere.  More people live alone in the US than ever before.  Older people, particularly men, have a difficult time making friends in middle age and beyond.  Of course the pandemic has made this so much worse.

I am feeling it right now.   Feeling very lonely.  I'm finding it very difficult to meet people.  I am partly to blame for some of that.   I am slow to meet people.  They might just get frustrated and give up on me.

As you get older it gets harder to connect with people.  I have these older guys on the apps hitting on me.  Looking old and fat is a bad combination.   I hate to say this, but I'm just not interested.   I'd rather just jack off.  Just the general boldness they show of sending NSFW pics to me early in the conversation is a turn-off.  This seems to happen a lot.  

I've never been one of those super attractive guys who everyone wants to meet (and sleep with).  However, I don't need that.  I just want a few friends....even just one or two.  Lately I can't even seem to find that.  There's a niche population I do well with, and there's not so many of those people in my city.  I've met guys mostly on the apps, Grindr, and the like, but no luck lately.

Frustration builds for me.

I haven't seen Peter since November.  His family is forcing him to marry a woman.  Being around me is too much temptation, so he has decided to stay away.  If that's what he thinks is best then so be it.

The friends I have are in different cities and countries.  It's difficult for them to travel.  Even though we often talk, I haven't seen them.

I'm not alone.  Loneliness is the other pandemic.

Sunday, January 9, 2022

The Trip Is Off

With Omicron spreading I decided to cancel the trip.  My Malaysian friend who was going to meet me there canceled.  No point in going alone.  Restrictions are increasing and it's not worth the hassle.

I still have my use or lose vacation, so need to figure out what to do.