Being Present

 

It's only in the last few years that I am understanding what it means to be "present".  I'm one of those people whose mind is often everywhere.  I'm thinking about so many other things, often past events, while ignoring what's going on around me.  Sometimes I will be watching tv and realize I have no idea what happened in the last 30 minutes.  Sometimes I'm thinking about negative events in my life that I could have or wished that I handled better.  Why??  Do I think I can rewrite the past years later? 

Someone suggested that I read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.  A little difficult for me to absorb.

So "being present" means focused on what is going on around me, and not mentally somewhere else.

So when I'm cooking for 16 people I have to be present.  Following recipes, ingredients on the counter, pots simmering on the stove, turkey in the oven.  Knowing how long each dish takes to make and cook with a 2pm dinner on the table target means the day has to be carefully choreographed.  Altruistic acts are also a driver of happiness.

When I travel I often go with a rough plan and handle the details day by day.  That means booking hotels, deciding on what sights to see, figuring out how to go from one place to another.  This planning along with taking in a completely new and usually totally foreign location forces me to be present.  Experiences are drivers of happiness more that just buying "things". 

Being fully present in the moment, not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, increases happiness.

What makes me happy....

 

I think a lot about what makes me happy.  That means thinking back about experiences.  What left me with a warm feeling?  An experience I feel good about reminiscing about?  I would want to do more of these kinds of activities.

Last year I made Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners for sixteen people.  Mostly family and my father who is going on 87, but still driving and active.  I have quite a few family members who are over 75 years old and for some of them, they are slowing down a lot.  One of my aunts came to Christmas dinner for the first time in many years.  She didn't want to go to her daughter's (my cousin) because she didn't want to go somewhere she wasn't wanted.  Another aunt was recently widowed and has no one else.

My own cooking skills surprised me.  The group was so complimentary at the number of side dishes I made.  They raved about the white chocolate cheesecake.  I really felt like the praise was genuine.  People came back for more servings.  They wouldn't have done that of they didn't like it.

My father was really happy with the dinners, and also so happy to host such a large gathering.

Thinking back, I have a warm, good feeling about these holidays.  I want to do it again this year and in the future.   

I found that some of my trips, where I am so engrossed in my travels and so present, also make me happy.

Sometimes when sitting at home I will dwell on negative things that happened in the past.   Why didn't I handle it differently and generally overthinking.  What is the point of that?   I need to focus on what has made me happy and repeat.

WTF was that?

Trump gave a speech on election integrity on Thursday night.   Can anyone tell me what he said?   What a confusing mess.  He just looks more and more unhinged.

Maybe he should have his testosterone tested? 

Sexual Harassment

 

 

My bf was just at a small dinner party with members of this gay group he's on the fringes of.  One of the guys was telling them how he was recently a victim of sexual harassment.  He just returned from China on a very long flight.  He decided to get a massage from someone a friend recommended.  He was so tired he fell asleep during the massage.  He awoke to find that his shorts were taken off, the masseur had jacked him off and was now wiping him off.  He said he was asleep and didn't consent to this.  He made a report to the police.  Two other guys at the dinner know this masseur.  One had hooked up with him and another had dated him for a few weeks.  

I find it a bit unbelievable that this could happen without the guy waking up.  Since he's a gay masseur who specializes in gay clients, especially Asian guys, maybe this is just part of his normal services.  I think it's kind of overreaction to go to the police with this.  My bf insists it's sexual harassment. 

Apparently the masseur had to do some community service.  However I was telling my bf that in the US he probably would have done jail time and been placed on the sexual predator list. 

 

Sycophants

 

 

Can we add to this "abandon all personal values and honor in order to suck up to power"? 

Watching clips of the confirmation hearings of Todd Blanche and Jay Clayton yesterday was sickening.  Evasive and in some cases provably dishonest.  Refusing to answer who won the 2020 Presidential election.

Todd Blanche was at one time an Assistant US Attorney in NY.  Jay Clayton was a Sullivan and Cromwell partner.  What happened to these people?

I guess ask JD Vance. 

Correction -- Empire State Trail

 

Correction - in my last post I mentioned walking the Empire State Trail as a bucket list item.  The Empire State Trail is 750 miles from the southern tip of Manhattan north to the Canadian border, and west to Buffalo.  This is not the trail I want to walk.

I want to walk the Manhattan Waterfront Greenway.  The trail map is depicted above and is 32 miles.  It goes completely around the island.  

The part of the trail that goes up the west side of Manhattan is called the Hudson River Greenway, and it is also part of the Empire State Trail.  When I walked on the west side waterfront in May I saw signs for the Empire State Trail, and that's what caused my error.

The other two parts of the Manhattan Waterfront Greenway are the East River Greenway and the Harlem River Greenway.

Now we have that straight.  Thanks Michael for your comment that led me to take another look.  32 miles is enough for me!!

As an FYI, lots of eye candy on the Hudson River Greenway. 

Bucket Lists

 

Does everyone have a bucket list of some sort?  These are a list of experiences or achievements one hopes to have in their lifetime.  It's called a "bucket list" because it's comprised of things you want to do before you "kick the bucket".

Bucket lists ties back to my previous post about having things in your life to look forward to.

Bucket lists have to be rationalized.  Having a bucket list of things that are financially a stretch or not achievable will  negatively impact your happiness.  Crossing things off the list that you don't really need to do is a good exercise to reduce your "wants".  Doing something on your bucket list is a good way to temporarily increase your happiness.  Adapting your bucket list to your reality is a good way to permanently increase your happiness. 

I have a long trip to Asia in January on my bucket list.  I also have an annual trip to NYC, and this year it will likely be two.  I want to do a trans-Atlantic cruise, like Barcelona to Miami, and I'm thinking about that for the fall.   Fly Singapore Airlines JFK to SIN, in business class.  Try at least three new restaurants in Toronto, since I spend a fair amount of time there.  Walk the entire Empire State trail (but not in one day!).  Everything on the bucket list needn't be expensive.  Some small ticket items can bring just as much happiness as the big ticket ones.

At some point in my life I will have to start crossing off bucket list items because I can't do them, hopefully that happens later than sooner. 

As I've mentioned before, the last year has flown by and I feel like I've accomplished very little.  Sure I had a number of trips, but things I told myself I would do last year didn't get done.  I need to be more intentional about how I spend my time. 

I don't want to wake up one day and realize so much time has gone by, and there are all these things I wanted to do, and didn't do them.