Tipping Point

Sitting at home this past week.  I don't know why I started thinking about this.  At what point did I really change teams?

I was very late in realizing I was gay.  You might ask "realizing or accepting"?

Realizing.  I had an interest, but I never acted on it until I was early 30's.  Looking back I should have realized.  Probably anyone else would have, but probably I was just super naive.  I was divorced by then.  I had years of regular hetero sex experience and I liked it.  I never had a problem.  How could I be gay?  Just being interested doesn't mean you're gay?  Does it? 

It was actually a few years after getting divorced that I had my first experience with another man.  Someone I met on gay.com.  I came away sort of in shock.  I don't like it!!  That was my reaction.  I felt so confused. I didn't even jack off for two weeks.

A few weeks later I was sort of interested again.  But nothing happened for a while.

Then I me this guy Jim.  He was probably mid-20's.  Just an average guy.  A little over weight and lightly hairy.  The clothes came off and he took the lead.  He wanted it.   Badly.  He was an awesome kisser and the sex was passionate.  This I liked.  This was different.  From this point I never went back.  Jim ghosted me after a few meetings.  Omg, did I long for more sex like that.  I did meet Jim again over a year later.  We met a few times.  We had a dinner date.  He slept over one time.  I just realized he wasn't the guy for me and it fizzled.  He was a nice guy.  I'm grateful for the experiences we had together.