Saturday, October 12, 2019

Back to Asia

I got a great deal on a flight to SIN, returning from KL.   I'm going in December.  It's a chance to be immersed in completely different environment, forget about work, and have an adventure.

It's just a week.  I'll spend a few days in SIN, and then take a bus to KL.  Looking forward to visiting Malaysia, and the cross country bus ride.  I love the accent the Malaysian people have speaking English.

This trip will get me so many flight miles that I'll be upgraded to first class on most of my domestic flights next year.

It will be a solo trip.  Neither my current or former bf can make it.

Friday, October 11, 2019

I'm Back

Eight month later.  My life is completely changed.

Sold my house.  Moved 1000 miles.  New job.  Traveling a lot.  New apartment in a cool, new downtown building.

A few years I joked with a friend:  I want to reduce my life to four boxes.  Woe, I'm a heck of a lot closer to that now.  I emptied my house where I'd lived for twenty years.  Now I'm in a 750 sf one bedroom apartment.  I'll move in March.  I haven't bought anything other than food.....I don't want to move it.  I'm cautiously looking at houses.  I think 1500 sf is plenty.  Not a single family house.  I don't want to cut the grass or do yard work.   I'm looking at condos and townhouses.

It's hard to re-establish in a new city.  I'm here by myself.  I don't know anyone.  My extended family is 700 miles north.

I like my new job and the people I'm working with.  The weather is great too.  I just feel like I don't know anyone.

Harry and I are still in a long distance relationship.  I'm periodically going to Toronto to see him.  It's hard to do this.  We'll see what happens.

Am I happier?   I think so.  But that's a never ending journey.

Saturday, February 2, 2019

I'm a Trusted Friend

Last summer I dated a young Chinese guy for about a month.  His name was Wayne.  It was fun while it lasted.  We traveled one weekend.  I liked him a lot, but he was too young for me.  It kind of fizzled though and I didn't hear from him for a few weeks.  Then he started texting me again.  He was only in my city for a three month internship, and then he returned to China.  The pressures of school and his internship project were great.  He cried a few times as he explained this to me.

It's interesting that he keeps in touch with me on Whatsapp.  He says I'm the only one who understands him.  The pressures increased when he returned to China, and he was even feeling suicidal.  I encouraged him repeatedly to get help.  He's on medication now.  This week he came out to his parents. 

Why does he trust me so much?  I'm so glad I could help him.  Maybe I have a calming influence or I'm a good listener.

Last night Harry told me about the conversation he had with his sister.  She's upset.  She didn't take it as well as he thought she would.  "What about our parents?" she asked.  It seems she only knows gay stereotypes.  She asked him not to get involved in drugs or have unsafe sex.  The two of them have a ways to go before she accepts him.

Towards the end of our conversation he told me how much talking to me had helped him.  He felt much better about the situation.  I felt good about that.

Sunday, January 27, 2019

The Question

My bf will turn 31 soon.

His family hasn't seen a girlfriend.  They are becoming concerned.  Harry is Chinese.  Typically Chinese families find a way to marry off their children in their mid-twenties.  The family involves themselves in this process.

Yesterday his sister sent a text:  Bro, do you like boys?

He froze.  He texted me:  I don't know what to do.  I think she'll be ok with it.  How come I'm not?

Not answering is an answer.  I think he needs to just tell her.  If he can't bring himself to text back, then just not answering will give her the answer.  I've told him, if I had a son who became distant and was alone, I would be concerned.  Most parents want the best for their children.  They want them to be happy.  His parents must be quite concerned, but also sad about this situation.  They don't know what's going on.  The sister is guessing, but know one knows for sure. 

All my Chinese friends say the same thing:  my parents are ok with gay people, as long as it's someone else's kid.

There's another part of this story that I'm struggling with.  Why is it that some people just come out as gay and it seems to be no big deal.  Whereas for others, it's so shameful that they just can't admit it?  Please don't say it's lack of courage, it's more complicated than that.

Sunday, January 20, 2019

Am I Happy?

I'm asking myself this question.

I have a comfortable life.  I'm not wanting for anything.  I have several good friends.  Sometimes I think it's hard to know if I am truly happy.  Many people just exist day to day.  Go to work, come home, make dinner, go to the gym or watch TV, go to sleep.....repeat, repeat, repeat.  I feel like that could often be me. 

What is happiness?  Is it just contentment?  I've read that when your reality is inline with your expectations, then you are on track to be happy.  How do you define happiness?

A person I work with passed away over the holidays.  He was only 56.  Not much older than I am.  Totally unexpected.  It was a sudden heart attack.  He didn't look like a person who was at risk of a heart attack, but I guess you never know.  This rattled me.

If you don't feel happy, then what changes need to happen in your life?

Sunday, December 30, 2018

Coffee with Steve

Steve texted me out of the blue yesterday.  He wanted to see what's new with me, and asked to meet for coffee.  His wife and child are back in Korea right now.  He is still playing on the side with another married guy.

I like to tease Steve.  I told him about Harry and his sex drive....he wants it twice a day.  I feel like I can't keep up.....what should I do?  And Wayne, my interim guy and insatiable bottom.  I've had a guy in my bed basically for the last three years.

Anyway, it was just coffee.  We'll meet again before I leave.

Thursday, December 27, 2018

Life Changes

There were a few guys I went to high school and college with who looked like this (or were going to look like this).  I envied them so much.  My white, body by Pillsbury, would never become like theirs.  I tried multiple times to at least become more muscular, but never really succeeded.  I've still not given up at getting this point that's all I want.  I'd be better of than 90% of the guys my age if I could get there.

I hate making New Year's resolutions.  It's kind of stupid to make a statement at the beginning of the year of something you want to do or change.  I should be able to do that anytime.

I need to make some simple changes, and the focus is....surprise!  Diet and exercise.

I need to break my sugar addiction.  Big problem for me.  Even though I've gained only a few pounds, it's bothering me.  If I could lose 10 to 12 pounds I'd be ecstatic.  Lot's of changes coming up in my life, and this will just be one more of them.