Thursday, August 9, 2018

It's Been a Week...

Since Wayne spent the night.  Haven't heard from him.   He's really not on Grindr either.  I bet he found 20cm.   I think that's what he wanted.

Monday, August 6, 2018

Well, that was fun

I haven't heard from my Asian boy.  I dropped him Friday morning, and nothing since then.  I did text him Friday afternoon, but no response.  Maybe he met someone else.  Young guys who are interested in older guys are very popular.

Anyway......I move on.

Saturday, August 4, 2018

Another Week

I have to pinch myself.  Here I am 53 years old (yes, I said it again) fucking a 22 year old Chinese guy.  His name is Wayne.  I love his lean, solid body.  His lightly hairy legs go over my shoulders and I grasp them so tight.

Last weekend we went to Toronto.  That was fun.  We went to many of the sites in Toronto, including the Toronto Islands.  We did go to the nude beach there, but just walked through.  There were hundreds of people but I would say less than half were nude.  We walked through the gay village in the daytime, but didn't go back at night.

This week we met on Tuesday, and he stayed over on Thursday.  I took him home Friday morning on my way to work.

We had some good conversation.  Wayne is struggling with his gay life.  So many opportunities for sex, and it's hard for him to control it.  He needs to be focused on school.  He has a big project to complete by the end of September.  We talked about strategies for staying off the online sites.

It's interesting to compare Wayne to my former bf, Andy.  Wayne is younger and sexually fairly experienced.  He knows what he wants.  Andy is very cautious and inexperienced.

Why can't I meet a >35 year old Asian guy? 

Friday, July 27, 2018


I've always described myself as vers...or really vers/btm.  But now I'm with my new Asian friend who is 100% bottom.  An insatiable bottom.  He loves being fucked.  He sees my cock is hard again and he wants it inside.

So I need to become a better top.  I'm shopping for better condoms.  Better lube.  Last weekend I fucked him until he came.  I was so proud.....and now I feel more confident.  He told me he cums about 50%  of the time when he's fucked.  I want that batting average to be higher with me.  I can cum when I'm fucked, but I've never come from fucking.  Since I'm going to bet getting lots of practice I need to change that.

Thursday, July 26, 2018

Because I Can

Why do I lie about my age?  Well I guess because I can.  My Grindr profile says I'm 45 and I haven't changed it.  Just mentally I can't bring myself to do it.  I know it's wrong, but then don't all gay men over 40 lie about their age?  Most guys online will quickly rule out anyone over 50.

Last week I was in bed cuddling with my new friend.  "You don't look 45," he said.  He thought I could pass for late 30's or around 40.  I hadn't come clean with him yet, so I took this opportunity.  He couldn't believe it.  That made me feel good that he said that.  He also said my age made no difference to him.

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

Just When things were getting really boring....

Someone messaged me.  On Grindr.....

He's another Chinese student just here at the local university until end of September.  He's only interested in older Caucasian guys.  He's tall....really nice body.  His cock is a Red Bull can.

So here I am again.  Another young guy.......this time 22 so it's getting worse.  This is something I said I wouldn't do again, but here I am.  No older guys interested in me.  This guy really likes me.....and he's irresistible.

We both understand what this is.  Like fwb until he leaves at the end of September.   This is everything I'm looking for.  Passionate sex, sleepovers, cuddling, quiet dinners, a movie together.  I feel like I can trust him.  So I guess I'll be weak and just do it.

This weekend we will go to Toronto.

Saturday, July 21, 2018

I'm Back

No posts for a quite a while.  Lots of changes.  My bf has moved away.  He entered a PhD program out west.  It was a good opportunity for him, and I didn't want to have any negative affect on his life.  I didn't want to prevent his life from moving forward.

We are still great friends.  We text or talk everyday.  We have a trip to Vancouver planned next month.  We both need this friendship, and there is a strong bond of trust here.

The big issue for me is that we are far outside the n/2 + 7 rule.  He's 25.  I'm 53.  Wow....I said it.  I'm 53.  I have trouble accepting that.  I look under 45.  No one believes I'm over 50.  Speaking only for myself, this was a great relationship.  We got along so well.  We really had fun together.  But, I want the right thing for him.  Is it the best thing for him to have a bf who is 28 years older?  He has much more life ahead of him, and I want the best for him.

So now I look forward.  I really don't feel so lonely.  I still connect with friends.  I'm keeping busy with work.

Speaking of work.   A big source of anxiety for me.  Lot's of new people, politics and uncertainty.  Am I at risk of being of being fired?  No.  I question whether this is a good fit.  I don't feel comfortable.  I need to work for six more years.  Then I still want to work, but I'll transition to something very different.  I'm thinking about options.

So now I'm in this state of uneasiness.....for several different reasons.  I need to get past this.  Maybe I need this blogging writing therapy now to organize my thoughts.