Saturday, December 19, 2020

Connections


Good people are hard to find.  When you do find them, hang on.

This is something I live by.  When I meet a good person, I want to keep them in my life.  By this I mean someone who is a true and trusted friend.  Even if we don't live close by, I want to stay in touch because we will probably reconnect one day.

I have a few ex-bf's who I am still close with.  We talk regularly and occasionally meet.  Is this strange?  I think a lot of gay guys maintain contact with previous relationships.  I really value these now friendships.

Recently my bf of two years moved back to China.  His mother is very sick and he needed to be there for his family.  From the beginning of his trip my sense was that it was over for us.  I didn't think he'd come back.  He told me he was thinking about staying in China.  

The calls became less frequent.  He forgot my birthday.  That was a major red flag.  He would have freaked out if I had forgotten his birthday.  I had sent him a really nice (and expensive) hoodie, and I know he was wearing it around in China.  He was super sensitive about me maintaining contact with former relationships, and this is something we argued about.  But I'm not going to give up these close friends.  They live thousands of miles away.  He did tell me that if we broke up he would not remain in contact, and we discussed why would he take that position.  It doesn't make sense to me.  His basic argument was that you can never move on to a new relationship if you maintain contact with the old ones.

So now he's basically ghosted me.  He may reemerge, but I'm disappointed in him.

This has happened with a few other guys too over the years.  Usually guys I've has casual flings with, but we did have a connection.  I'm a good person.  A loyal and trusted friend.  Why wouldn't they want to stay in touch with me?  But it's their choice.  I guess they don't value good friends like I do.

All I can do is make effort from my side.  Try to keep people I think are good in my life.

Thinking about this from a happiness context.  Some of the relationships I've had have made me very happy.  I think back with really good memories about those time together.

Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Torn

 

I've mentioned that I'm feeling lonely during this pandemic.  I haven't met anyone in a long time.  No sex in nearly a year.  Really not even a hug in a year.  My long distance bf is gone...that's over.  So I'm feeling lonely.

I haven't been on Grindr in six months.  We're in the midst of a pandemic, so what's the point?  I needed a break from that site anyway.  If I go back it will be with a refreshed profile.  Not smart to meet random people right now.  Maybe I could meet someone for a coffee.  We could sit outside.  It was nearly 70 on Sunday.   That would be low risk.

One place I haven't stayed away from is A4A.  Why?  Really because the chances of me actually meeting someone from there are near zero.  I view it as just safe chatting.  I haven't spent a lot of time there.  Just some human contact once in a while.  There's always a different mix of people on these sites depending on the locale.

I'm finding there are an awful lot of married guys on A4A here.  Many of them are hitting on me.  They're not far away and anxious to meet.  I sort of understand their situations.  I was married once.  But I never acted on my desire for men until a few years after I was divorced.  I've met just a few married guys in the past.  For sure we have a lot in common.  But, years ago I decided it was a bad idea and haven't met a married guy in a long time....maybe a decade?  Whenever I see "bisexual" in someone's profile it rings alarm bells.  These days I have to ask "to".  Man or woman?  You never know.

There is one very interesting guy I've been chatting with.  Very smart guy.  A doctor.  From various clues he's dropped I'm pretty sure I've figured out who he is.  He's a well published, and probably somewhat renowned specialist.  However, during our conversation he let it slip that, "oh, I'm currently married."   In this case it's a woman.

This guy could be a good friend.  We have a lot in common.  He wants to meet me.  I've told him it would just be friends.  But I'm torn about what to do.  Just friends is my choice.  If anything else happens that's my fault.  

Meeting smart people for good conversation is fun.  When there's some mystery mixed in that makes it more interesting.  I'll probably meet him.  Just for coffee is no big deal.   Maybe in a few weeks.  Unless I change my mind by then.

Very decisive aren't I?


Friday, December 4, 2020

Time to Collapse

 Just got home after an eleven hour meeting.  It's cold and pouring rain.  

 I think I'll just collapse into bed.

Monday, November 30, 2020

Moon Pie

 

Some people have moon cakes.  We have moon pie in the US.  What do you think Will?

Sunday, November 29, 2020

Sometimes I Don't Know....


Sometimes I don't really know if I'm happy.

The days go by.  I'm busy with work and other stuff that comes up in my life.  I don't feel unhappy.  Can't really say I'm happy either.

I'm listening to this podcast series called "The Happiness Lab."  This podcast is by a Yale psychology professor, Laurie Santos, who developed a course called "The Science of Well Being."   The course was wildly popular and oversubscribed.

I'm just listening to the first part of the series right now.  The focus is on what makes people happy.  Some things are no surprise.  There's also discussion of things that detract from happiness.  A few years ago I made a list of things that make me happy.  Some of them:

  • Having a few friends to do things with makes me happy.  
  • My bf made me happy.
  • Travel made me happy
  • Traveling with my bf made me happier
  • I met a few really nice people when I was traveling.  I felt like they really liked me.  That made me happy.
  • Cooking new dishes
  • My bf and I sometimes copied (or at least tried to) restaurant dishes we really liked.  

Notice the common thread.  Some social contact is included in most of them.  Notice what's not on there......working, spending money.  The pandemic hasn't helped being able to meet new people.

The point here is to know what you're looking for.  Just going through life on autopilot and not really knowing what you're looking for probably won't result in happiness.  Unless it happens by accident.

Friday, November 27, 2020

Food Holiday


Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm taking a food holiday for these two days.  After being very good about sticking to right around 1500 calories a day since June, I deserve it.

Yesterday I made the complete Thanksgiving dinner.  A small turkey roast, garlic mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole and gravy.  I'm following the rules -- no big gatherings.  So it was just my son and I.   Even though I didn't make so much food, both of us were full and there was plenty left over.  He took a lot home.  I ate leftovers today.  Tomorrow I'll be back on my diet.

The weather was great today.  Blue sky and 75 degrees.  I went for a long walk.  Lots of people in shorts and t-shirts.  Nice to get some sun and fresh air.  It's great for my mental health.

Friday, November 20, 2020

Glad This Week is Done

What a crazy, stressful, and drama filled week at work.  Yesterday was a 14 hour day.  This is the worst week in a while.  Today I was on vacation, but still in the office for a few hours this morning.  I did turn off when I got home this afternoon at 1:30.

This hasn't happened in a while, and I really feel it.  A stressful week of long hours means no exercise.  Little downtime.  Poor sleep. One night this week  I fell asleep at 8pm not long after getting home, and then awoke at 2am, and couldn't fall back asleep.

Lesson learned:  I need to avoid this kind of week.  

There were things I could have said no to.  There was one big thing that was someone else's responsibility that I could have let drop.

I might actually have gained weight this week, even though I continued to eat carefully.  I did go for a long walk this afternoon though.  Weather is so great and comfortable.  I wasn't in shorts and a t-shirt, but lots of other people were.