Wednesday, March 22, 2017

My bf Andy and I moved to our new apartment in the downtown five months ago.  There is a gay club about four blocks away.  We haven't been there yet.  We've joked about going, but we still haven't been there.  Not even for a minute.

Maybe we are the most boring guys?

Last weekend we went grocery shopping on Saturday and got some takeout food.  We came home and watched Manchester by the Sea.  We were in bed before 11.

His friend said he wasn't surprised Andy was dating an older guy, as he has the mind of an older guy.

Maybe being the most boring guys isn't such a bad thing.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Blogging Therapy

I started blogging more than ten years ago.  It was therapy for me.  A chance to really focus my thoughts and articulate them.  I had a following of readers -- Two Lives, New Day/New Life, Dear Zach, Conflicting Clarity, and many others -- who frequently left comments often with a perspective I hadn't thought of.  I actually met two of my readers.  Some of my blogger friends have let their blogs go dim, and for a while now I have rarely posted.

I continue to believe that it's good therapy for me.  My life is stabilized.  I'm more relaxed.  I'm grateful.  Most importantly, I need to make today the best I can while planning for the future.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Planning the End of Work

I'm in the last decade or so of my working life.  I'll probably work longer than I need to just for the medical insurance.  But I'm thinking about what I want to do for the next chapter.  After a major health issue last year, I'm also wanting to live more now.

Being a fair skinned Irish INTJ, my ideal vacation isn't at the beach or partying on a cruise ship.  I'm kind of tired of looking at older buildings in Europe too.  How many castles or cathedrals do I really need to see?  I like big cities, like NYC.  But only for a few days.  After more than a few days I feel overstimulated.  I'm feeling like after a week or so I'd like to be back home.

Many of my family and friends retire to Naples or Fort Myers.  Both are nice places, but honestly, neither are for me.  I don't feel as though I would fit in.  I don't think I would want to buy a second home either.  I don't want to always go the the same place.  I don't want to maintain two houses -- too much infrastructure.  Staying close to my family is also important, so I don't want to move permanently 1500 miles away to Florida.

I'm thinking that maybe Georgetown, Malaysia or Phuket or Singapore might be good places for me to go for a month or two.  Warm, different locations where I can relax and explore.  The people are important too -- I always seem to make a better connection with Asian people than Caucasians.   Maybe I'd connect better with the people in these locations.

I should go on exploratory expeditions now.  On a weeks vacation I can judge if a place could be a good spot for me to spend the worst two months of the winter.  This year is a good one for an exploratory trip, however my boyfriend is not enthusiastic about a trip to Singapore and Malaysia.  I should be visiting the country of my current bf, not my ex bf.  But then I'm not so enthusiastic about China.  I haven't been there, but I don't think it's a place I'd want to spend much time.  I'd also be more comfortable in a place with English as a major language.

It's March 18th.  I have nineteen more vacation days to take this year.

P.S. Does anyone read my blog any more?

Sunday, March 5, 2017

One Year

I can't believe this.  It was one year ago today that I met my boyfriend.  I never thought it would turn into this.

It's great to have him cling to me at night.  I love cuddling with him.

He graduates in October.  What then?  Another bf to move away from me?  Not sure what will happen.

Yesterday we were in Toronto shopping.  Several circles through Yorkdale Mall.  It's a nice mall and we bought a few things.   Exchange rate is quite good for me.  Anyway it was a good day.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

How Did this Happen?

I keep asking myself this.

How did I end up in a serious relationship with a 24 year old guy?

Of all the guys I've met and sometimes dated.....this is the only one that has really worked out?  He's not even in the n/2 +7 range.

This wasn't my plan.  I was trying to meet age appropriate guys.  The focus was skewed towards Asian, as I usually have better luck there.  Maybe it's the quiet, reserved personalities that are a better fit for me.

I chatted on Grindr for thirty minutes with one 40-something Asian guy.  He was a teacher.  Not particularly good looking, but hey, age appropriate is the priority.  I shared my face pic.  Gone!  He just blocked me.  I guess I'm not particularly good looking to him.

I had an actual date with a Latino guy, a well educated professional.  I'm not sure exactly how old he was, but would guess 45 to 50.  We walked around and had some drinks.  He said he was 5'8" 170.....the reality was more like 210.  But hey, he's age appropriate.  There just wasn't attraction for me.  As much as I tried there just wasn't.  I texted after and said we could meet again.  He never called me.  I never called him.

I could go on with the other attempts, but you get the point.

My new bf asked me why I said hi to him on Grindr.  "You could see that I was 24," he pointed out.

"Not Asian guy in town?" I replied.

My bf thinks this is hysterical and often repeats it to me.

Next weekend we move to our new apartment.  I sometimes have to pinch myself.  I rarely think of his age.  He's my bf.  We love to cook together.  We've spent several weekends in Toronto.  I've never been with an extreme cuddler like he is.  Our NYC trip two weeks ago was awesome.  We took full advantage of our unlimited subway passes over five days.  It was a great time.

He's been a blessing to me.  I returned to work in July after major surgery.  I don't know how I would have survived the month without him.

Sometimes I think about what will happen in the next 12-18 months.  I have to return to US.  He will finish grad school.  I guess it's best to stay in the present.

Thursday, September 22, 2016


Andy and I spent last weekend n Toronto.  TIFF -- Toronto International Film Festival was going on.  We didn't plan very well, so we only got to see one film, but that's ok.

We both love Toronto.  It's a very diverse city with an incredible amount of restaurants.  The waterfront and Toronto Islands are great.  Although we didn't make it to the nude beach this time.

Every time Andy sees two guys holding hands in public he nudges me.  It's comical.  There were several, but it's no big deal in Toronto.   Anyway, it was a fun trip and it's great to have someone to go with.

Next month:  Four days in NYC!   Can't wait.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Where am I Now?

Still with same bf.  In three weeks it will be seven months.

He sold his furniture.  He moved in with me.  Next month we move to new apartment on 20th floor of a downtown building in a fantastic location.

It feels strange actually living with someone.  I leave for work at 7am and kiss him goodbye.

In bed at night we hug and say, "we're a gay couple" and start to laugh.

We had a good conversation in July.  I'm not sure this is a good permanent relationship for him.  The age difference is too big.  That's my opinion.  We discussed whether it's good to be in a relationship that probably won't turn into a long-term thing.  Should we just end this?

"I don't want to break up with you Rob," he told me, "This is the life I want."

This relationship feels good to me too.  We both like to cook, travel, explore the city.  It feels so good to cuddle with the same man every night.  He clings to me all night long.  When I change sleep position, he adjusts to me.

In the next two years things will change for both of us.  He will finish grad school here and go to a PhD program.  I will move to an assignment somewhere else shortly thereafter.