Sunday, March 17, 2024

In an Instant

It's amazing, shocking, scary how fast your life can change.

A former co-worker messaged me yesterday.  He needed to meet me urgently.  I'll explain when we meet.  He said let's go to a place where we can speak very privately.

He hesitated for a few minutes and then blurted it out.  "I've just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer."

"You're a financial expert and I trust you.  I need your advice."

We walked for two hours discussing medical insurance, life insurance, disability insurance, family medical leave act.   I know these topics well. 

I can't imagine dealing with news like this.  He is 58 years old.  Married with teenage kids.  It's one of the most deadly forms of cancer.  What to do now?

Saturday, March 16, 2024

Happiness Catalysts

 

Did you ever wonder why sometimes you're happy and sometimes you're not?  And you can't explain why?

I'm searching for the catalysts of happiness.  These would be unique for each individual.  What are mine?  I need to think very hard about this.  I have a four day trip coming up.   That should make me happy and put my mind in a different place.  I'm far less obsessed with work now.   I don't have a problem taking vacation.  I won't take my work laptop with me.  I want to be fully "present" during this trip and enjoy it.

What are your happiness catalysts?  

Sunday, March 3, 2024

Gratitude

 

If you read about the science of happiness and mood improvement, you will almost always find a suggestion to practice daily gratitude.   Think about what are we thankful for.   When you are feeling depressed or otherwise badly, replace thoughts about what we don't have or other problems with gratitude thoughts. 

Daily gratitude -- what are we thankful for every day?

I'm finding that some of the things I'm thankful for are remarkably simple.  A good cup of coffee in the morning.  Thirty minutes in the morning to enjoy my coffee and watch the news.  A call or dinner with a friend.   An evening walk in beautiful weather.  Going to bed at the end of a cold winter day on flannel sheets.   My health.

Some things that appear to be bad at the outset, are really good things.  I lost my job last year.  I felt badly at the time, but the reality is that I was ejected from a toxic place with some really bad people.   Four months later I had a new job in a positive place.  I'm grateful for that.

I have the ability and the means to add some fun experiences to my life.  It starts this month with my trip to NYC.  Many people can't do this.  

I'm grateful.

Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Hypothetical Six Months

You have six months to live.

Imagine getting this news.   What would be your reaction?  Probably you'd be thinking about what you want to do in your remaining time.  Second, you might be thinking about regrets.   What do you wish you'd done?  This is a thought provoking exercise.

It would be great to not have many regrets.  To have done almost everything you wanted to do.  How do you get to that state?  Start by you having control of your life....not your job or anyone else.  Thinking hard about what you want to do....what experiences?   What places?   Then making those things happen.

If you are able to control your life and do the things on your"bucket list", then you should have gratitude.  Most people in the US can't do that.   They will work beyond their good years or subsist on $1200 a month in social security.   I have gratitude that I am able to control my life.

For most people, and that includes me, the full retirement age of 67 and medicare at 65, is a major driver in our decisions.  You have years of "life" and years of "quality life."   There's a big difference.

Sunday, February 18, 2024

Now


There are many things going through my head.   Last year I was thinking of stopping work at the end of 2024.   I've had a few months off recently and realize that I don't really have a plan for what I would do if I wasn't working.   I've concluded that I want to work, but not 55 hours a week.   Now I have a job where that will be possible.   I also have 20 days of vacation and the ability to work remotely.  Certainly in a few months it will all be possible.  One problem solved.

Second, I need to be thinking about the now.  What is my plan to enjoy my life now?   I can't say, "I'll work for a few more years and then enjoy myself."   What is the plan for now?

I'm going to spend a few days in NYC with my bf soon.  Vacation time for both of us.  Ok, so that's one trip.  What else?

I'm going to spend a week with my bf in Toronto in June.  I'll be there for the Gay Pride.  Largest in the world, and an "interesting" few days.  What else can I plan?

Another trip in August?  Portugal?  Columbia?  Mexico City?   Any of those would work.  Ok, not Mexico City...I've already been there.

November?   How about the Riviera Maya?   Cancun to Tulum.  A place I've wanted to go.

Enough on travel.  Exercise.   I need to fit it into my life.  It makes me feel better physically and mentally.   I exercise a lot and lost 8kg while I was off.   I need to get back to exercising and NOT gain any weight back.

I need to make balance happen.  Actively work to make it happen.  I'm ok with working.  I like the job, and it's better to be working than wandering around my house, browsing the internet or watching tv.   However there needs to be boundaries on work.   It can't take over my life again. 

I need to realize and ACT if my job becomes miserable.   I'm pretty sure this job won't become like that.  I'm disappointed that I didn't just exit my last job.  Fuck yourselves.....I quit.  When you have a job you hate, people you work with who you hate, all your friends telling you to quit, and you think about killing yourself (but wouldn't actually do it), then you should for sure quit that job.

I'm moving on.



Saturday, January 27, 2024

Blog Readers

I never thought I'd actually meet any of the guys who read my blog.   But I have met three.  One in San Francisco, one in Chicago, and one in Singapore.  I know my friend in Singapore still reads my blog.   But what about the other two?   I met them about ten years ago and haven't talked to them in a while.

Almost everyone has an interesting life story, and it's fascinating for me to hear them.  Many of my blog readers seem to have experienced the same life challenges, in different ways of course.  I usually learn something from these conversations.  

Saturday, January 20, 2024

Half a Month

Now two and a half weeks at my new job and everything going well.

No screaming.  Everyone is cooperative.  No drama.

I was telling a friend about my experience so far.  His reaction?  This is normal and the way things usually are.  You were at a toxic outlier of a workplace before.  You really can't compare.