Sunday, October 23, 2016

How Did this Happen?

I keep asking myself this.

How did I end up in a serious relationship with a 24 year old guy?

Of all the guys I've met and sometimes dated.....this is the only one that has really worked out?  He's not even in the n/2 +7 range.

This wasn't my plan.  I was trying to meet age appropriate guys.  The focus was skewed towards Asian, as I usually have better luck there.  Maybe it's the quiet, reserved personalities that are a better fit for me.

I chatted on Grindr for thirty minutes with one 40-something Asian guy.  He was a teacher.  Not particularly good looking, but hey, age appropriate is the priority.  I shared my face pic.  Gone!  He just blocked me.  I guess I'm not particularly good looking to him.

I had an actual date with a Latino guy, a well educated professional.  I'm not sure exactly how old he was, but would guess 45 to 50.  We walked around and had some drinks.  He said he was 5'8" 170.....the reality was more like 210.  But hey, he's age appropriate.  There just wasn't attraction for me.  As much as I tried there just wasn't.  I texted after and said we could meet again.  He never called me.  I never called him.

I could go on with the other attempts, but you get the point.

My new bf asked me why I said hi to him on Grindr.  "You could see that I was 24," he pointed out.

"Not Asian guy in town?" I replied.

My bf thinks this is hysterical and often repeats it to me.

Next weekend we move to our new apartment.  I sometimes have to pinch myself.  I rarely think of his age.  He's my bf.  We love to cook together.  We've spent several weekends in Toronto.  I've never been with an extreme cuddler like he is.  Our NYC trip two weeks ago was awesome.  We took full advantage of our unlimited subway passes over five days.  It was a great time.

He's been a blessing to me.  I returned to work in July after major surgery.  I don't know how I would have survived the month without him.

Sometimes I think about what will happen in the next 12-18 months.  I have to return to US.  He will finish grad school.  I guess it's best to stay in the present.

Thursday, September 22, 2016


Andy and I spent last weekend n Toronto.  TIFF -- Toronto International Film Festival was going on.  We didn't plan very well, so we only got to see one film, but that's ok.

We both love Toronto.  It's a very diverse city with an incredible amount of restaurants.  The waterfront and Toronto Islands are great.  Although we didn't make it to the nude beach this time.

Every time Andy sees two guys holding hands in public he nudges me.  It's comical.  There were several, but it's no big deal in Toronto.   Anyway, it was a fun trip and it's great to have someone to go with.

Next month:  Four days in NYC!   Can't wait.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Where am I Now?

Still with same bf.  In three weeks it will be seven months.

He sold his furniture.  He moved in with me.  Next month we move to new apartment on 20th floor of a downtown building in a fantastic location.

It feels strange actually living with someone.  I leave for work at 7am and kiss him goodbye.

In bed at night we hug and say, "we're a gay couple" and start to laugh.

We had a good conversation in July.  I'm not sure this is a good permanent relationship for him.  The age difference is too big.  That's my opinion.  We discussed whether it's good to be in a relationship that probably won't turn into a long-term thing.  Should we just end this?

"I don't want to break up with you Rob," he told me, "This is the life I want."

This relationship feels good to me too.  We both like to cook, travel, explore the city.  It feels so good to cuddle with the same man every night.  He clings to me all night long.  When I change sleep position, he adjusts to me.

In the next two years things will change for both of us.  He will finish grad school here and go to a PhD program.  I will move to an assignment somewhere else shortly thereafter.

Friday, July 1, 2016

I'm Alive

I'm back.  June was a difficult month.  The good thing is that quite serious medical problem resolved.

I'm still together with my bf.  It's now been four months.  It's serious.  We love each other.  We love spending time together.  He's been in Asia this month while I've been in the hospital.  We are back together this weekend.

This relationship is complicated.  This guy is what I'm looking for but the age difference is a problem.  Neither of us wants to end the relationship.

"I wish you were older," I say.

"I wish you were younger," he says.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016


About 15 months ago Steve and I were sitting in a neighborhood Italian restaurant.  I looked around.  The other tables had 5-6 people, they were all drinking and they were loud.  Everyone was having a good time. 

Then I focused on Steve and I.  Quiet.  We were talking softly and drinking water.  Not the boisterous fun going on at the other tables.

Now I look at Andy and I.  He was so quiet when I first met him.  Now he's come out of his shell, and he's more talkative and funny.  But he's still a quiet nerd.

I've never met such a cuddler as Andy.  He clings to me all night.  It feels great for both of us.  He is so smooth and warm. 

You learn something from every relationship.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Going on Three Months

It's been more than two months.  Haven't jacked off.  Haven't opened a porn site.  Grindr, Jack'd......all deleted.

My bf is at my place five nights a week.  He clings to me all night.  If only he was older....I'd marry him.  You learn something from every relationship....I want an older version of this guy.....when this ends.

His lease is up at the end of the summer.  Maybe he should move in?

Sunday, April 17, 2016

I'm Back....

I'm back.....and with a new bf.

It started March 5.  First an online hello.  Then coffee.   Dinner.  Back to my place where we cuddled naked until morning.

His name is Andy.  He's a grad student in mechanical engineering.  Of course Asian....Chinese in fact.  He's smart, funny and cute.  We spent a weekend in Toronto, and going next weekend again.  In bed he clings to me.....he pulls me as close as he can.  Now going on seven weeks and he's spending 4-5 nights a week at my place.

As with any relationship I'm involved with, there is a problem:  He's 24.

In the beginning we both agreed he age difference was too great and we would just be friends.  But we continued to meet.  We started spending more and more time together.  This feels good to me, and to him also.  One friend told Andy he had the mind of an older man and he wasn't surprised this was happening.  He's not looking for a sugar daddy.....he wouldn't even let me buy him dinner in Toronto.

Next year Andy leaves this city to either begin a PhD program or start working.  I may leave this city as well.  If this relationship goes on for a while is it a problem?  We are discussing expectations as I don't want this to end badly.  Sadly, I realize this must end.  We both need a friend right now, but a long term relationship with me is not the right thing for Andy.  I told him he's a great guy and if he was older I'd marry him.

He's had some bad experiences meeting people, and I haven't met anyone maybe this isn't so bad for a while.