Wednesday, April 29, 2015
The Good Son
It's happened twice now. Once while we were at a coffee shop and last weekend when we were in bed. Steve gets a call and begins a serious conversation in Korean. He finishes and rolls his eyes.
It's a call from his parents. He's not serious enough about marriage. Why didn't he call back some girl they introduced him to three months ago? His mom's friend has just identified some new prospects. It won't stop!
This train is gaining momentum and the crash is impending. He's 35 and it seems his Asian parents are in a panic over his future.
"You didn't tell your parents about me?" I ask. "Are you embarrassed of me?"
Steve smiles at my joking, but it gets old fast.
Seriously....Obviously I'm telling him that he can't let this happen. It's not like he's 25 and confused or questioning. He's had an active gay sex life for at least a few years. Now he's been in sort of a relationship with a guy for ten months. There's no "question" here.
"Why can't you just tell them?" I ask.
It seems that this is just not in the realm of possibilities.
"What if you told them and they hugged you and said we love you anyway?" I asked. That just won't happen he told me.
I've been thinking a lot this week about the parent - adult child relationship. Why is it that some people just CANNOT even conceive of telling their parents about their sexuality?
Please don't comment that those people are just cowards. It's far more complex than that. Most 35 year olds are not worried about being thrown out of the house. But they are worried about facing the profound disappointment of their parents.
This is so hard.