Saturday, March 8, 2014

Penis Does the Picking

I hate to do a post about a Bravo show.  You're all thinking, "Rob, do you do anything else but watch TV?"  I know, but it's been a cold winter and I've been staying inside a lot.

Last week I was wondering, "what would happen if I was on Millionaire Matchmaker?"  I've been hearing about two "friends of friends" who enlisted professionals to help them in the dating process.  Maybe this was the catalyst for my thought.  I haven't met anyone recently and am sort of thinking of jumping back into the dating game this spring.  I seem to be more worried about rejection this time, maybe because I'm getting older.  I'm realizing the need to put your best foot forward and not make stupid mistakes.

People can join a club run by Patti Sanger, an LA based matchmaker.  You must be a millionaire to join.  She interviews people who have joined, diagnoses their issues, provides very direct and often harsh advice, and attempts to find a match for them.  Often these are people who have relationship issues and a history of failure in their love lives.  Sometimes Patti is successful, and sometimes the show ends with her screaming at her client to get the f--- out of here and never come back.

There are a few common themes on the show that I've seen over and over:

  1. Clients who are just weird or annoying.  It's no wonder they haven't made a connection.  Patti will call out their faults very directly.
  2. Clients who always pick dates who are obviously (to everyone else) wrong for them. 
  3. Clients who have unrealistic expectations.  Often the case with the gay clients - example (and weird too).  You have these 40 or 50-something year old guys who want to date a 20-something 9 or 10.  Some of them aren't even good looking.  It just isn't going to happen.  These are guys are detached from reality.  But doesn't this describe most of the gay men over 40 on-line?  When browsing online and I impulsively click on the profile of a hot 29 yo I remind myself of this.
  4. Sometimes the clients are just nerdy social misfits.  It can be just painful to watch - example.  She just had a doctor who fell into this category, and a few shows ago an internet millionaire.  How do you cure people who just aren't cool?  What's the solution?  Connect them with another nerd?
She found a match for Andrew Christian
The show starts with Patti watching a video of the new client where they have to talk about themselves, their relationship history, and explain what they are looking for.  Some clients come across horribly in these videos and Patti is cringing.  But sometimes the client comes across great, and Patti is saying this is going to be easy.

Next Patti has a face to face meeting with the new client.  This is where she is forthcoming with her diagnosis.  Sometimes she brings in help, like a psychologist.

I was mentally walking myself through this process.  What if I had to make a video for Patti that explained my life and what I want?  I'd probably come off as too boring.  How would she diagnose me?  Good question, I'm not sure I could even guess at that myself.

One of Patti's favorite sayings is, "the penis does the picking."  If you're not immediately sexually attracted to someone, then forget it?  I agree that if there is immediate sexual attraction it's a tremendous plus.  Not sure I agree that lack of is always a deal breaker (but finding someone unattractive is a deal breaker).  Surely it's important to focus on your own looks so someone else' penis might pick you.  When it comes time for the clients to choose a date, Patti seems to be saying let your sexual attraction and emotions choose, don't over analyze it.  What do you think?

It's a stupid show.  I know that.  But there are a few good lessons there.


  1. First off, no need to apologize for watching BRAVO... I'm MAC and I watch BRAVO! I've learned several life lessons from BRAVO's shows. ;-) I'm also a strong believer in sexual attraction. I still remember the sparks when I first saw my Hubby 24 years ago.

  2. Patti and the show fascinate me. I try to catch every episode. Even so, I think most of her "successful" match-ups are a joke. You can tell when a couple has genuine chemistry and very few of Patti's matches do. I'm also skeptical that the specific dating advice she gives people would make much of a difference in the real world. Every millionaire is given a selection a hand-picked, good-looking dates who are eager to go out with them. How often does that happen in real life? If you put most of the millionaires on they'd probably have no better luck than the average person does.

    Chemistry and mutual attraction are in-person phenomena. If I was Patti, I'd tell you to focus on meeting guys in person, even if that means using apps like Grindr or Adam4Adam. Also, you should definitely check out the meetup groups in your area.

    1. Agree. I don't like the Millionaire part of this. It's like all these people who apply to come for the mixers are gold diggers. The money is the draw. I wouldn't like that if I was the client.

      Also agree that I need to meet more guys in person.

  3. You are referring to cut penises,as is usual in the US, where almoost all men are circumcised...