Friday, September 27, 2013

Judged in an Instant

The proliferation of porn on the internet has poisoned and programmed our minds to believe that this is what every guy should look like.  The reality is different.

One thing that really frustrates me is when I chat with some one online for a while.  Seems like there's mutual interest.  "Let's share face pics."   Then Poof....they vanish.  I know Brad Pitt and George Clooney are around 50.....and almost anyone would get naked with them.  They know my age....but sorry I don't measure up to Brad Pitt.

Although I complain about this, I do it myself a fair amount.  It could be the nicest guy ever, but if I really don't like the face pic, I'm not so rude as to instantly block them, but I can't get motivated to meet them either.  This guy keeps messaging me.  I can't bring myself to reply...ugh!

1 comment:

  1. One of the guys in my formerly married men's group is 66. He came out when he was 61. For his age, he's modestly attractive, but if I had never met him in person, I'd never make an effort to get to know him. For one thing, the age difference is just too big.

    It's turned out that this man has become my hero. I see him almost every week and he ALWAYS has two or three stories about positive interactions he's had with different men he's recently met. He's not looking for a partner, but he is looking for companionship, so if you look at his score card: 5+ years out and he's still looking, it doesn't seem impressive. But I KNOW he's going to be successful, despite his age, despite his average looks.

    He has a good, pleasant personality and he's moderately extroverted, so those things help, but his real gift is that he doesn't say no. He likes interacting with people well enough that he'll meet anyone. That attitude opens him up in a way that makes him special. It affects his whole personality. It's kind of like the joy people feel when they finally exit the closet vs. the misery (and safety) of being in it. By freeing himself of "no" he exhibits a natural joy that I've never really seen. Especially in a single gay man of his age.

    This is my long-winded way of suggesting that you try that tactic (and I will too, when I start dating again). Say yes. Make it a habit so that no date is a such a big deal that it needs to be debated. It's an automatic yes. The point of dating is to become an open person. Once you accomplish that, good things will naturally flow from there.