https://www.tiktok.com/@therapytothepoint/video/7381120970653830446
Years ago I worked with this guy who would sometimes refer to people as "social misfits." I was young at the time, and this was a new term for me. It seemed to mean people who are socially awkward and just don't seem to fit in. Over the years I began to wonder, am I a social misfit?
The reason I bring this up is that I started a new job and have now met an entire group of new people. I'm getting some comments like, "you are completely poker faced all the time", "wow, he smiled", "emotionless", "you're so intense". Sometimes it's not with a negative spin, "cool as a cucumber."
A few days ago I was randomly served up the Tiktok video I've posted above. Omg, is that me? It's definitely not, but I feel like I have some of the characteristics. I don't have a need for a lot of social connections. I don't like crowds. I don't like going into a room of people I don't know.
In fairness to me, I'm in a quantitative job. I spend most of the day immersed in numbers. I need uninterrupted quiet time to focus and not lose my train of thought. I don't jump out from behind my computer and become Mr talkative.
I'm introverted! Maybe more than the norm. Does that make me a bad person?
Right now I'm thinking about strategies to mitigate. Forcing myself to smile when I think it's expected. Engaging in small talk even when I don't want to. Recently I made an excuse to get out of a dinner with co-workers and their wives, as I thought it would be too difficult for me. Better to not be there than make a bad impression.
Maybe this is why I connect so well with Asian guys. They also tend to be quiet and introverted. My bf is like this too. He does some things that surprise me. His friend tried to pull him into a social group of Asian gay guys. He has resisted, saying he doesn't want to and is not comfortable. A group of Asian gay guys who get together for mahjong games and other activities? Seems pretty benign - even I would have no problem with that.
Finally, I was encouraged by the comments posted about the Tiktok video. "the guy isn't bothering anyone, leave him alone!", "sounds like the perfect roommate", "he is who he is, why is this a problem?"
More on this.....
Smiles don't cost anything but I realize that it can be unnatural to smile all the time. A smile can make another person's day at times.
ReplyDeleteI do go out of my way to smile at times. At the end of the day you shouldn't change who you are just to accommodate others. Let people talk and say what they will, so long as you're getting your work done, your happy and not overtly rude to others and your boss is pleased with you, then I see no harm in not being chatty.
I'm not a social butterfly myself but right now I'm craving social interaction. I've spent enough time in isolation. Just remember that people at work will claim or pretend to be your friend, but there are very few people that truly are your friend in the workplace. Your probably better off not talking a whole lot to people.
Take care :)
Hey hey, I think what probably important is for you to be authentic as a person and work towards assimilating into the culture to the best you can, and as an employee, as effective as you can be to deliver what's required of you.
ReplyDelete