It was interesting for me to see the post by Gay Banker today about Asian guys struggling with coming out, their families and the pressure to get married.
My bf is going through this right now. He has to return to China to attend a big family event, and is dreading all the questions he is going to get. I like to be able to make suggestions to help my friends with their problems, but I'm stumped here. I don't know what to do, and he is suffering.
Hire an actress to play the part of his girlfriend? We are literally discussing these crazy ideas.
I've met a lot of Asian guys. I think from nearly every Asian country. The story is almost always the same. They can't come out to their parents, or family. They are under intense pressure to get married. They are far closer to, and under more control of, their parents than guys in the West.
My bf doesn't think his parents know that homosexuality exists. They have no idea what "gay" is. Earlier this year he was at the breaking point and decided to come out to his parents. He first shared his plan with his sister. His sister figured out on her own that he might be gay and asked him. He didn't say no. The sister's reaction to the plan? "NO! You can't do that. It will crush them."
Coming out is a personal choice. If your parents react like a Hallmark movie by giving you a giant hug and telling you they will always love you as you are, that's fantastic. Clearly best result. Sadly, some parents won't react like that. So you need to make the decision for yourself what to do.
I can provide comfort and support. I don't have a solution for this.
Asian gay here and this perfectly sums up most if not all of our lives. My parents knows trans people (because we're Tamil and our culture very openly albeit reluctantly, acknowledges trans people) and gay people (because they've both come across gay instances in the media they consume) exist. Even then, I'd never come out to them. NEVER!
ReplyDeleteI''m gay and Asian, I came out to my parents when I was 38 and quite frankly, I wished I did it sooner. Mom reacted badly, but within a month came to realize that she was sad I wasn't going to produce grandkids for her. Ultimately, both parents just wanted me to be happy and successful, don't forget success is important to them too. Is coming out hard? Yes. Fear of rejection from your loved ones is real. However, not giving your parents or your "loved ones" an opportunity to know your true self, is unfair to them. Let them show their true self. If they show hate, then you know, they don't really love you; because loving a man isn't wrong. Even after coming out, it took me several years to understand the pride in "Pride Parade"; it's about being proud of who yourself no matter what....cliche, I know, but true imho. Cheers, David
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