Is it ok to stay in touch with your ex bf?
In May my bf moved out west to start a PhD program. We both agreed we would move on. He is a lot younger than I am, and I didn't want him to miss this opportunity. He texts me almost every day. Just random stuff. Nothing sexual. We broke up (don't even want to use that term) on very amicable terms. He was there for me during a very difficult period in my life. I consider him one of my closest friends and he will always be special to me. I know he's met other guys, but nothing has happened.
My new bf is really bothered by this. He says it's strange to keep in contact with your ex.
I don't agree.....but am looking for other opinions.
My rationale is that close, trustworthy, genuine friends are so hard to find. I can't bear to lose him. I want him to be a lifelong friend. I want the best for him. If he meets someone really nice in his new city I will be happy for him. But I want to maintain the connection. My ex is struggling in the PhD program and kind of depressed. I cannot abandon him.
Good friends are harder to find. Yes, keep in touch with your ex.
ReplyDeleteOn the other side, your new bf hasn't ever been in a prior serious relationship, right? It's part of growing up as he hasn't experienced these emotions before. He feels threatened because you care for your ex. I don't know if anything will help him shake that feeling. And it's so much easier to deal with a new BF who had a messy breakup with terrible fights. It's scarier to know the only reason you're not together is b/c your ex had to move for school. What if he returns? You'll get back with him?
Do tell your current BF you choose to be with him, and you're not moving across the country for your ex. Explain why staying in touch with him is important. Only time will help him feel more secure in his new place in your life.
That's right....this is first relationship for current bf. He is driven by his emotions and having trouble with rational discussions about this.
DeleteIt depends on how it ended. I was in a long-term relationship for 12 years and we ended it basically because he was going to relocate and for other reasons, but it ended very positive. We are still very good friends and text all the time. Funny for all the time we were together and had sex, he are more like family now then ex's.
ReplyDeleteI also meant to say, your story seems very much like mine. It's great when one can stay friends.
ReplyDelete