Monday, May 26, 2014

Third Degree Lunch

"I want to be alone and I want people to notice me - both at the same time"

Last week I had lunch with a female friend.  I know her from my former work.  She went through a painful breakup a few years ago, and shared a lot of that experience with me.  She also knows a lot about my kids and my legal battles.  She doesn't know I'm g.

She's married now and seems to have a keen interest in my situation.  "Dating very much?"  "Do you see yourself getting married again?"  "Do you think you'll find the 'one'?"  Many questions no one has asked me for a long time.  I think she means well, but these are personal questions.  I'm not sure I know the answers.  I basically dodged.

Fast forward to the weekend.  I am watching CNN about the horrific mass killings in Cali.  Obviously this guy's mental illness amplified the rejection and loneliness he was experiencing.  The pain of this was so bad?  He appears to be not bad looking and had money - but he couldn't connect with anyone?

Do you need to have a partner or "be with someone" to be happy?  Is that a prerequisite for happiness?  Can you ever achieve true happiness as a single person?   Certainly there are positives to being single.  A larger portion of the population is single now than ever before - not sure why.  Sure, having friends or one special person in your life is important for happiness.

It's not always obvious to me why some people make these connections easier than others.   


  1. Happiness is whatever you define for yourself. It could be success, wealth, fame, love. No one else can tell you what you need in order to be happy. They wouldn't know.

    The line of questions your friend asked are quite normal and not that personal. You can answer No to all those questions, or "I don't know" is perfectly valid. Maybe she is looking for a gay BFF because it's the trend nowadays. Every woman needs to get one. Every guy probably needs to get one too, but for different reasons.

  2. I don’t need a partner to be happy at this point in my life. I had a partner and wasn’t happy at the end of our relationship. I agree with Middleman about making your own definition of happiness.