Sunday, November 24, 2013

Why Do All Gay Men Cheat?

Back in January I had dinner with my friend George.  He always asks the same question:  "How's your love life?  Meet anyone interesting?"

I told him about Ross over the summer.  We dated for less than two months and it was great.  However, his bf, Rico, came back from South America.  He went back with him.  It ended.  George asked me how long they had been together, and I told him around three and a half years.

"Oh, ok.  Then it's about time for them to break up or begin an open relationship," he said.  George has a cynical sense of humor and I like that about him.

I've only had lunch with Ross one time this year.  Uneventful.  Skip forward.

A few Fridays ago I had a vacation day.  It was 9am, I was sitting in bed, watching a morning news show.  I was also browsing Manhunt.  I messaged a guy I had never seen before, interesting profile.  He didn't respond.  I got my day going and moved on to other things.  Then around 5pm I checked my email.  Note from Ross.

"Rob, you may not be aware of this but you messaged me on Manhunt this morning."

Hmmm.  "Hey, wtf are you doing on MH??  You have a bf you live with!"

He tells me he's having a midlife crisis.  The sex with Rico is good, but they just don't have it enough.  He just wants to go online to see who is interested in him, he's not going to actually meet anyone.  Ok, right......I can believe that ;-).  Then he sent me some recent pics he took of himself.  He must really trust me, because I would NEVER send pics like that with face visible to anyone.

Then a week later on Sunday morning I see an interesting profile on Jack'd.  It's Ross.  I sent him a text.  "Someone is being bad this morning!"   We need to have lunch, I told him.

We met last Saturday.  When lunch was done he said "let's go to a more private place to talk."  So we got some coffee and sat in my car.  The midlife crisis is getting worse.  Rico just isn't satisfying him sexually.  His hand is on my leg.  "Rob, you look good."  His hand is rubbing my on abs.  We had a long discussion about how no relationship is perfect.  "Has he talked to Rico about the sex?"  Yes, but he's not hearing what Ross is saying.  My impression is that Rico is totally naive.  He has no idea the the relationship might be getting stale.  Ross is not sure he believes in monogamy anyway.  Last year when we ended I told him I was disappointed because we had so much potential sexually, and Ross reminded me of that statement.  It was an interesting four hour lunch.

Rico is going to South America for a few weeks over Christmas...

It's rare when I meet a guy and both of us are really into each other.  So this is tempting.  Not sure what I want to do here.  Obviously it would be better if he and Rico had an understanding.  I want to, but I don't want to.  It looks like he's going to cheat with someone, why not me?  It doesn't help that I haven't met anyone I click with in a long time.

I need to think about this some more....


  1. To answer your original question, no, all gay men do not cheat. I was in a 5 year relationship and never cheated. The relationship did not end because either of us were cheating or wanted to cheat. It ended because the essential love ingredient was not there.

    As it stands though, were I in a relationship with a man again, I would make it an open one with rules about safe sex, emotional ties and boundaries. It would be important to spell out the conditions of the open relationship so both parties understood what worked and did not work.

    1. I know that ALL gay men don't cheat. I'm exaggerating for effect. I believe that most do.

  2. That all are cheaters there are some good ones out there. As for Rico that's up to you bud. Good luck!!