Saturday, October 12, 2013

First Date pt2

A friend sent me this note.  It got me thinking about first dates, and is the reason for my last post.  

Think about all the dates you've had and then think about the guys who became special.  I'll bet all *those* first dates were better right away.  It's a very rare thing that two people will ambivalently go on multiple dates and then suddenly find themselves drawn to each other on  date five or six.  First dates, meetings, pictures, etc are all coin tosses.  They either naturally work or they don't.  Don't you think?

He's right.  In my experience, either we hit it off right away or we didn't.  The date went well and I saw the guy again.....or it was over.  I can't remember going on multiple dates to "get to know each other" before anything happened.  My date with Ross was the best example of a date I've had in the last year where we quickly clicked.

This is a situation where we are making a decision emotionally.

Thinking about this rationally it doesn't make sense.  Suppose you meet someone, there's no immediate spark, but you wouldn't totally rule the guy out.  You're tentative.  The date doesn't end in bed, so the guy thinks you don't like him.  Sometimes people can grow on you.  What's wrong with a second date?

In the hetero world sex on the first date is not universal.  Often there are a few dates before things get physical.  A little more time to get to know each other.  What's wrong with that?

I guess my point here is that guys might have more success meeting if they didn't just jump to this snap judgment about other guys.  Too quick to dismiss a guy they've just met.  Sometimes you meet someone and you just know it won't work -- I get that.  But what about the other times -- when you're tentative?  I'm guilty of doing this, so I'm not throwing rocks here.  Something to be more cognizant of I guess.     

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