I'm Back

No posts for a quite a while.  Lots of changes.  My bf has moved away.  He entered a PhD program out west.  It was a good opportunity for him, and I didn't want to have any negative affect on his life.  I didn't want to prevent his life from moving forward.

We are still great friends.  We text or talk everyday.  We have a trip to Vancouver planned next month.  We both need this friendship, and there is a strong bond of trust here.

The big issue for me is that we are far outside the n/2 + 7 rule.  He's 25.  I'm 53.  Wow....I said it.  I'm 53.  I have trouble accepting that.  I look under 45.  No one believes I'm over 50.  Speaking only for myself, this was a great relationship.  We got along so well.  We really had fun together.  But, I want the right thing for him.  Is it the best thing for him to have a bf who is 28 years older?  He has much more life ahead of him, and I want the best for him.

So now I look forward.  I really don't feel so lonely.  I still connect with friends.  I'm keeping busy with work.

Speaking of work.   A big source of anxiety for me.  Lot's of new people, politics and uncertainty.  Am I at risk of being of being fired?  No.  I question whether this is a good fit.  I don't feel comfortable.  I need to work for six more years.  Then I still want to work, but I'll transition to something very different.  I'm thinking about options.

So now I'm in this state of uneasiness.....for several different reasons.  I need to get past this.  Maybe I need this blogging writing therapy now to organize my thoughts.