One of my goals for this year to date more age appropriate guys. Guys like Jack are fun, but at 24, realistically he's too young for me.
So when I met a guy online who's profile showed him as 38, 5'8, 170, Latino, well educated professional I was interested. Finally after chatting for many weeks we met last night. He suggested we meet at my place, but I changed that to the downtown. I explained that I am not looking to just get naked, I want to get to know him and see if we could actually become friends. So it was a real date.
We met at a park in the center of downtown. My first impression was that he was older than 38. Whatever, most guys over 30 lie about their age....no surprise here. There wasn't instant attraction for me.
We had a good conversation. He's actually a dentist who was previously married and has two kids. So we had much in common. He showed me around the downtown, we had some drinks and then ended up in a gay bar that was a few blocks away. It was just before 11 and the place was still pretty empty. We didn't stay long. Just curiosity I guess.
Even though there were a lot of things right about this guy, I didn't feel particularly attracted to him. I kept thinking about what I would do at the end of the night.
As it got closer to midnight he started hinting about what he wanted to do. I started thinking about what I wanted to do. Maybe it could be fun? Maybe I'd find myself attracted to him. Maybe he's a Latino bear?
So we went back to my place. Long story short - no chemistry....I just couldn't get interested in this guy. He's not 5'8, 170.....more like +200. It felt like he had no idea what he was doing. I don't know, it just wasn't there. Not much happened. Certainly motivated me to hit the gym regularly.
So this is frustrating. I understand I'm far from perfect and need to have an open mind. But as I peruse the guys over 40 on dating sites it seems most are BMI >30 or some other big turn off. Then you have the hardcore group......just sex seeking and look unsafe.
I really don't know what to do.
Perhaps you might consider putting aside physical attraction for a while to see what else develops. When my husband and I met we were in our 50s, he a smidge older. I was not attracted to him at the time, but as we became good friends over time,I realized one day that he was exactly the kind of person I wanted to be in my life, even if he was not in the body I had imagined. A dozen years later, we are still together and doing fine. I do wish we had met when we were in our twenties and thirties, because then we would have had more time together, not because we would have been sexier-looking and -acting.
ReplyDeleteMichael, agree with you, that we shouldn't judge one solely on his appearance. True relationship is fostered through mutual understandings. Perhaps Rob found the honesty of this Latino failed him first on his age and weight data, tarnishing first impression. After all genuine friendship is built on trust.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to your experience. At 59, I find most of men my age are out of shape. Most seem to be 25 to 50 pounds overweight. It seems the guys my age who are in shape don’t want a guy their age. I work hard to stay in shape. I don’t expect guys to have a perfect body but do expect they take care of themselves. When I meet a man who falsifies his profile information it makes me wonder what else he’ll lie about. If he lies about height, weight or age, I wonder what he is hiding.
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