The Elusive Age Appropriate Relationship

I still can't get the age appropriate relationship topic out of my head.

There's another blogger who has an interesting, albeit blunt, way with words.  In one post he described a naked older man as looking like a "boiled chicken."

I was discussing with another blogger my lack of motivation to approach guys around my own age.  It's very easy to push the button and say hi to some guys......but they are not usually around my age.  I guess subconsciously there's just no motivation to pursue older guys, I said.  The other blogger's response:  "ROB:  It's not subconscious, it's conscious."

My problem is that I know I need to be dating guys my own age -- but, many of these guys don't do anything for me.  My date last week was perfect example.  This guy was well educated and professional.  He was interesting to talk to.  The problem is that he didn't make my dick hard.

I can pass for at least ten years younger than I really am.  This gives me options that some of my same age peers don't have.   I can get younger guys in bed.  Last week I shared my picture with a 23 year old guy.  "You're 42?" he asked.  "You don't believe me? I replied.  His response:  "You look younger than that." 

More than ten years ago I met my friend Javier.  He is Brazilian.  We met at a shopping center and he invited me back to his place.  I distinctly remember walking with him from the car to his apartment.  My heart was pounding.  All I could think was:  "This guy is so hot, I can't believe I'm going to have sex with him"  over and over.  The sex was amazing.  Javier moved back to Brazil, but he still returns to the US two or three times a year, and usually he'll contact me.  I can't believe what's happened.  He has gained so much weight.....he just isn't the same guy.  He works very hard and travels alot.  For me, the attraction is waning.

As you get older you have to work SO hard to stay in shape.  Typically at that age you have a more responsible job with greater work demands.  My typical day right now is 7:30 to 7:15.  So not quite a twelve hour day, but still long.  It's hard to be motivated to hit the gym at 8:30 or 9.  I am really tired.  It's so easy to watch tv and fall asleep.

The guys my age who are actually in shape usually aren't looking for guys their age.  They are looking for younger.  That's my experience anyway.  Just having close platonic friendships can be difficult for middle aged guys.

So what should I do?  I'm not sure, but time is going by fast. 

Moving to Australia

This chart was published in Details.  Interesting to see that the US has the highest standard.

A Date

One of my goals for this year to date more age appropriate guys.  Guys like Jack are fun, but at 24, realistically he's too young for me.

So when I met a guy online who's profile showed him as 38, 5'8, 170, Latino, well educated professional I was interested.  Finally after chatting for many weeks we met last night.  He suggested we meet at my place, but I changed that to the downtown.  I explained that I am not looking to just get naked, I want to get to know him and see if we could actually become friends.  So it was a real date.

We met at a park in the center of downtown.  My first impression was that he was older than 38.  Whatever, most guys over 30 lie about their age....no surprise here.  There wasn't instant attraction for me. 

We had a good conversation.  He's actually a dentist who was previously married and has two kids.  So we had much in common.  He showed me around the downtown, we had some drinks and then  ended up in a gay bar that was a few blocks away.  It was just before 11 and the place was still pretty empty.  We didn't stay long.  Just curiosity I guess.

Even though there were a lot of things right about this guy, I didn't feel particularly attracted to him.  I kept thinking about what I would do at the end of the night. 

As it got closer to midnight he started hinting about what he wanted to do.  I started thinking about what I wanted to do.  Maybe it could be fun?  Maybe I'd find myself attracted to him.  Maybe he's a Latino bear?

So we went back to my place.  Long story short - no chemistry....I just couldn't get interested in this guy.  He's not 5'8, 170.....more like +200.  It felt like he had no idea what he was doing.  I don't know, it just wasn't there.  Not much happened.  Certainly motivated me to hit the gym regularly.

So this is frustrating.  I understand I'm far from perfect and need to have an open mind.  But as I peruse the guys over 40 on dating sites it seems most are BMI >30 or some other big turn off.  Then you have the hardcore group......just sex seeking and look unsafe. 

I really don't know what to do. 

My Trainee

I've had a trainee from Mexico in my office for the last four weeks.  By coincidence, I was one of the first people he talked to upon arrival in Canada -- on Grindr mind you.  I've been occasionally chatting with him on Grindr over the last few weeks.  He has some very provocative pictures online, but I'm quite sure they are not really him.

He's good looking, but kind of a small guy.  He's about 5'8, but very thin.  He dresses well.  Usually Banana Republic.  Like most Mexican guys, he uses a fair amount of cologne. He has a very nice short haircut, and I love his shiny black hair.  I've become pretty good friends with him, and we went to dinner last week.  Wide ranging topics.  He's told me about his life.  He is youngest of six children. He has a nice house in Mexico that his father gave him as a gift.

He's a bit frustrated that everyone here is so serious.  He said Mexican people are more fun.

The first week he was here he grew a light goatee, and it really looked good on him.  I was disappointed the next week when he shaved it off.  But then he started to grow it back last week.

This weekend he's in Toronto.  Checking out the gay scene....as I learned from our Grindr conversation. 

I've been very careful to keep everything very professional.  

Another ten days and he goes back.

Priesthood

What's it like to be a priest who actually follows the rules?  I mean truly celibate for their entire life.  No physical contact with anyone.....except for perhaps an occasional hug.  It must be lonely.

I'm getting good practice right now.

Over 100

I was chatting online with a 21 year old guy.  He's kind of good looking, certainly not one of the best looking guys I've met.

He's had over 100 sex partners.    At 21??  Is this common?

His attitude is like "why not?"   It's fun.....so what's the harm as long as I'm careful to play safe?

The key question for me is "how will I feel about this when it's over?"  Will I be glad I had sex with this person?  Or regret it?  The problem is that you usually don't know going into the situation.  If I walk away feeling good about what happened, then I'm ok with it.  It's the times that I come away saying, "why the fuck did I do that?"  that I really regret.

When both of us are really into each other that makes it good.  When he says "I want to see you again" that makes it good.  When there's a new friendship, that makes it good.

Three Gold Coins

There are a few bloggers out there who are keeping a record of their sexual partners.  Some even keep track of how many times they masturbate each year.  Masturbation is for the most part a benign act.  I'm not sure it's worth tracking, unless you view it as a problem.

The number of sexual partners?  A different story for me.  Tracking the number is a very good idea.  Too many is a problem.  I wouldn't feel good about racking up lots of sexual partners. 

That said, it's really easy to just let it happen.  Opportunity presents.....and you take it.  Again and again.  Sometimes I feel I am weak....and if more opportunities presented I would take them.  Too weak to resist.  Maybe I'm actually lucky not to have so many opportunities.  I'm glad I was with just Steve for most of last year.

What if you were limited to just three sexual partners per year?  Or maybe just one?  You would have to consider very carefully who you wanted to have sex with......so as not to waste one of your three gold coins.

 

The last few weeks have been super frustrating.  I last met up with Jack a few weeks ago.  I must have spooked him because we haven't met since.  He texted me last week and chatted for a bit.  We talked about meeting on the weekend.  I left the ball in his court.....he needs to take some initiative.  He didn't call me.  I guess he's not interested.

No one else even close right now.

I had been delaying making a reservation for my Asia trip.  A girl who works for me needs to return to Europe for two weeks.  She needs to spend time with her family, and her father has been ill.  So I gave her first priority in scheduling vacation.

In the meantime, it appears I have a medical problem that will require a few weeks off.  Still under investigation.  I just can't plan a trip until I get that issue resolved.  I sure can't take ten days vacation, and then come back to go off sick for a few weeks.