Saturday, December 19, 2020


Good people are hard to find.  When you do find them, hang on.

This is something I live by.  When I meet a good person, I want to keep them in my life.  By this I mean someone who is a true and trusted friend.  Even if we don't live close by, I want to stay in touch because we will probably reconnect one day.

I have a few ex-bf's who I am still close with.  We talk regularly and occasionally meet.  Is this strange?  I think a lot of gay guys maintain contact with previous relationships.  I really value these now friendships.

Recently my bf of two years moved back to China.  His mother is very sick and he needed to be there for his family.  From the beginning of his trip my sense was that it was over for us.  I didn't think he'd come back.  He told me he was thinking about staying in China.  

The calls became less frequent.  He forgot my birthday.  That was a major red flag.  He would have freaked out if I had forgotten his birthday.  I had sent him a really nice (and expensive) hoodie, and I know he was wearing it around in China.  He was super sensitive about me maintaining contact with former relationships, and this is something we argued about.  But I'm not going to give up these close friends.  They live thousands of miles away.  He did tell me that if we broke up he would not remain in contact, and we discussed why would he take that position.  It doesn't make sense to me.  His basic argument was that you can never move on to a new relationship if you maintain contact with the old ones.

So now he's basically ghosted me.  He may reemerge, but I'm disappointed in him.

This has happened with a few other guys too over the years.  Usually guys I've has casual flings with, but we did have a connection.  I'm a good person.  A loyal and trusted friend.  Why wouldn't they want to stay in touch with me?  But it's their choice.  I guess they don't value good friends like I do.

All I can do is make effort from my side.  Try to keep people I think are good in my life.

Thinking about this from a happiness context.  Some of the relationships I've had have made me very happy.  I think back with really good memories about those time together.


  1. When you find someone to have as a really good friend or a really good partner, there is nothing at all like it.

  2. my husband keeps in touch with his ex-girlfriend in the UK. does that bother me? HELL NO! she came to visit us 10 years ago, and I found her to be a lovely person. open minds are free; you keep your relationships, rob!

  3. I completely agree, good people are hard to find, but that's exactly why we should be open and welcoming. 🙂

  4. Keeping connections alive definitely a bilateral effort. Keep on giving, and you will always attract good people in your life!

  5. Perhaps it is not about you, but about him. Then again, just be happy. As some have said, it takes two hands to clap. Merry Christmas Rob!