I'll never move back to cold weather. I just got stuck in Boston over night when my flight was cancelled. Now I am in Toronto. Walking around outside the cold is biting. My hands freezing. My blood has thinned and I'm struggling with the cold. It's -12 C in both cities. These great cities are better in the summer.
I'll be glad to return to warmer weather next week.
Friends has become a popular topic. It's also a complicated topic. I see so many articles in NYT and various magazines. Some bloggers have posted about it. Why do people seem to have less friends now? Why is it so hard for men to make friends, especially in middle age and beyond?
When we say "someone has no friends," that is a very negative comment. The term "loner" has a hugely negative connotation. "Loner" is almost synonymous with "loser".
The reality is that people have different social needs. Some people need to be surrounded with friends and can't stand to be alone. Other people have low social needs. They prefer to be alone. A gathering of one or two friends is all they need/want. They can't stand being around large groups of people. Over Christmas someone was telling me they are excited to be going on a Caribbean cruise. For me this would be torture to be around all these people.
Some people are naturally popular....people want to be their friend. It's easy for them to connect. Why are some people popular? And some people not? Again, complicated mix of environment and maybe genetics.
How much effort do you put into making new friends? Do you put yourself in situations where you will meet new people? Or do you make little effort? Sometimes I reach out to someone I might want to be friends with, and there's little or no reciprocity. I get the message and back away.
I do believe that everyone needs at least a few friends.
There is no one right answer here. But -- your number of friends is only a problem if you think it's a problem.
My family had Christmas dinner at my dad's house. Sixteen people. I did the cooking. I started cooking at 7am and was ready to serve dinner at 2:30. Beef tenderloin and many sides. Too many desserts. Some guests brought something, and people jumped in to help me with the final preparations. My dad really liked having this big Christmas gathering, and he was really happy. Big success!
I awoke on Friday to the sad news that a (distant) family friend passed away the previous night. She was 40 years old. After celebrating Christmas and drinking too much, her family sent her home in an Uber. Too drunk to figure out how to get into her house, she froze to death on the front porch. Another alcohol tragedy.
I've become interested in Buddhist teachings. My focus right now is finding peace. The Buddha taught that the mind is the root of all experience -- both suffering and liberation. The world we live in is based not on external conditions, but the way the mind perceives, reacts and clings to those conditions. Mastery of the mind is the foundation of the entire spiritual path. The mind is the source of both suffering and peace. An uncontrolled mind creates illusions, cravings, fear and confusion. These mental states trap us in a cycle of suffering.
When you master your mind you master yourself. When you free your mind you free yourself from suffering.
I'm still reading and digesting these Buddhist teachings. I didn't think I'd find answers in Buddhism, but I think I am. It's amazing to me how relevant these lessons are. How did I find this? Random TikTok videos popped up on Buddhism.
What is suffering? It could be a cycle of negative thoughts relating to something that happened years ago and it just keeps on coming back into your thoughts. Something that can't be changed, can't be "done over", and isn't worth thinking about.
I really feel like this has helped me, so I will do a deeper exploration.
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On another note. Another three weeks of IF, and I'm down another 1 kg. Three more kg to go. I just finished a 500 page book that I've been reading for a few hours each night. I'm traveling to spend the holidays with family. Then I will spend ten days with my bf in Toronto. Something I've been looking forward to.
Happy holidays to all!
Interesting interview with Marjorie Taylor Greene on 60 Minutes last night. Is there a little bit of backbone and principles in this woman? It appears she actually stood up to Trump to bring the abuse of teenage girls into the open. Sad that she is one of only a handful of 220 republicans in Congress who did the right thing on this issue. His reason to keep the files private? "A lot of people will get hurt." I can't wait.
After eleven months in office it seems things are unraveling for Trump. Republicans will probably lose a few house seats and that will put a check on his power.
The ACA subsidies are ending for 22 million people. When is the uprising going to start? I can't believe it hasn't happened already. The Medicaid cuts are in addition to that. I was explaining the US medical system to my bf. He was shocked at how complicated and expensive it is, and as he pointed out, "for the world's wealthiest country".
On another note, I'm becoming more cognizant of my "microjoys". It's getting a bit cold, and my flannel sheets are certainly a microjoy for me. Since my intermittent fasting and diet changes are working, I would say that getting on the scale is also a microjoy lately. Now that I have more time on my hands, I'm actually reading some books again. I bought a floor reading lamp and I'm really enjoying the books. Another microjoy.
This is about health, health span and longevity. Health span is our fully functional, healthy years whereas lifespan is the time we are alive. If health span can be made to equal lifespan, that's the best scenario. When health span is ten years shorter than lifespan, that's a bad scenario. We all know some older person who is either weak or overweight, or probably both, and can't get off the sofa or walk up the stairs. Exercise, physical strength and VO2 Max are critical predictors of longevity and health span. So that's the motivation for all this.
I'll have only limited travel from now until July. So I've set July 1st as the next major milestone in my strength journey. I'm finding that strength training really takes time. I'm gaining but it's slow.
Thanksgiving is over. Headed home and realizing there are only three weeks until Christmas. My plan is to restart IF tomorrow and go on a lower carb/higher protein diet of ~1500 calories per day. I will also amp up the exercise. Let me try this combination for three weeks and see what happens. I'm making progress and that feels good.
Every time I read a book I glean a few useful things. One thing I just learned is "micro-joys". These are small things that make you happy. I'm thinking about this and need to recognize them. My coffee in the morning. Cuddling with my bf. Dinner with a friend. Walking outside and realizing the weather is perfect. A good movie. These are small things I need to be thankful for and find more of them.
