At lunch a few weeks ago Ross asked me if I'd met anyone. "No. I don't understand why this is so difficult. All I really want is simple: dinner, movie, sleepover," I found myself saying.
Last year I had coffee with a guy who had just come out and was in the process of getting divorced. We were exchanging our stories. "What?" he looked at me incredulously, "You've been divorced for twelve years and still no partner?"
When my brief relationship with Ross ended I almost felt relieved. If it had turned more serious I don't think I could have given him what he wanted. He and his bf often spent time visiting Ross' family and his friends from high school and college on weekends. I really don't want to do that. When Ross' bf returned he moved in with Ross. I'm not sure I want someone living with me. I don't know....that's the way I'm feeling. I like being able to do whatever I want.
Maybe I am where I want to be. Maybe dinner, movie, sleepover is all I really want.....sort of like a little more than friends with benefits. If I was really unhappy with my current situation I'd be doing something to change it. Maybe I like keeping some distance.
I am in charge of a few major projects at my work.....one that is huge. I like my work. I've been in jobs I hated, and I don't feel like that now. It's not perfect, but I like it, and I'm learning a lot. Finding good balance is hard. I need to carve out some time to actually meet people. Last week I needed to plan lunch with a former co-worker, but she's across town....looking at my calendar, let's see, how about third week of February? I've said this before, and then I slip back.
I'm not really unhappy. But need something more.
