Because I Can

Why do I lie about my age?  Well I guess because I can.  My Grindr profile says I'm 45 and I haven't changed it.  Just mentally I can't bring myself to do it.  I know it's wrong, but then don't all gay men over 40 lie about their age?  Most guys online will quickly rule out anyone over 50.

Last week I was in bed cuddling with my new friend.  "You don't look 45," he said.  He thought I could pass for late 30's or around 40.  I hadn't come clean with him yet, so I took this opportunity.  He couldn't believe it.  That made me feel good that he said that.  He also said my age made no difference to him.

Just When things were getting really boring....

Someone messaged me.  On Grindr.....

He's another Chinese student just here at the local university until end of September.  He's only interested in older Caucasian guys.  He's tall....really nice body.  His cock is a Red Bull can.

So here I am again.  Another young guy.......this time 22 so it's getting worse.  This is something I said I wouldn't do again, but here I am.  No older guys interested in me.  This guy really likes me.....and he's irresistible.

We both understand what this is.  Like fwb until he leaves at the end of September.   This is everything I'm looking for.  Passionate sex, sleepovers, cuddling, quiet dinners, a movie together.  I feel like I can trust him.  So I guess I'll be weak and just do it.

This weekend we will go to Toronto.

I'm Back

No posts for a quite a while.  Lots of changes.  My bf has moved away.  He entered a PhD program out west.  It was a good opportunity for him, and I didn't want to have any negative affect on his life.  I didn't want to prevent his life from moving forward.

We are still great friends.  We text or talk everyday.  We have a trip to Vancouver planned next month.  We both need this friendship, and there is a strong bond of trust here.

The big issue for me is that we are far outside the n/2 + 7 rule.  He's 25.  I'm 53.  Wow....I said it.  I'm 53.  I have trouble accepting that.  I look under 45.  No one believes I'm over 50.  Speaking only for myself, this was a great relationship.  We got along so well.  We really had fun together.  But, I want the right thing for him.  Is it the best thing for him to have a bf who is 28 years older?  He has much more life ahead of him, and I want the best for him.

So now I look forward.  I really don't feel so lonely.  I still connect with friends.  I'm keeping busy with work.

Speaking of work.   A big source of anxiety for me.  Lot's of new people, politics and uncertainty.  Am I at risk of being of being fired?  No.  I question whether this is a good fit.  I don't feel comfortable.  I need to work for six more years.  Then I still want to work, but I'll transition to something very different.  I'm thinking about options.

So now I'm in this state of uneasiness.....for several different reasons.  I need to get past this.  Maybe I need this blogging writing therapy now to organize my thoughts.