Wednesday, April 29, 2015

The Good Son

It's happened twice now.  Once while we were at a coffee shop and last weekend when we were in bed.  Steve gets a call and begins a serious conversation in Korean. He finishes and rolls his eyes.

It's a call from his parents.  He's not serious enough about marriage.  Why didn't he call back some girl they introduced him to three months ago?  His mom's friend has just identified some new prospects.  It won't stop!

This train is gaining momentum and the crash is impending.  He's 35 and it seems his Asian parents are in a panic over his future. 

"You didn't tell your parents about me?"  I ask.  "Are you embarrassed of me?"

Steve smiles at my joking, but it gets old fast.

Seriously....Obviously I'm telling him that he can't let this happen.  It's not like he's 25 and confused or questioning.  He's had an active gay sex life for at least a few years.  Now he's been in sort of a relationship with a guy for ten months.  There's no "question" here.

"Why can't you just tell them?" I ask. 

It seems that this is just not in the realm of possibilities.

"What if you told them and they hugged you and said we love you anyway?" I asked.  That just won't happen he told me.

I've been thinking a lot this week about the parent - adult child relationship.  Why is it that some people just CANNOT even conceive of telling their parents about their sexuality?

Please don't comment that those people are just cowards.  It's far more complex than that.  Most 35 year olds are not worried about being thrown out of the house.  But they are worried about facing the profound disappointment of their parents.

This is so hard.     

Thursday, April 23, 2015


I had a brief trip last week.  About 11pm I was playing around with grindr and a guy came out of no where.  He started messaging me and wanted to meet.  This all was happening very fast.

He was a 21 yo college guy.  An Asian guy, a little chubby but cute.  He did nothing for me.  I thought maybe I'd just give him a hand job but even that was a challenge.  Yes, you're reading the right blog.  You didn't accidentally switch to One Step at a Time.  I haven't done this before, and probably won't again.

Turns out this guy is Korean (ABK).  Both his parents are Korean and he spends summers in Korea with family.  He was very interested when I told him I was dating a Korean guy.  He told me his life story and what he's doing in college.

I asked him about the oldest guy he'd ever been with.  He said the guy was 28.  "I've got him beat by a mile -- 46 here," I said.  Ok, so I lied.

"46??" he said, "You don't look that old at all!"  Ok, keep talking kid, I like where this is going.

"If you met me in a coffee shop and knew nothing about me, how old would you say I am? I asked.

"Oh, about 36," he said.

What?  What?  What?   Seriously?  He assured me yes.  He suggested that I stay close to his campus so I could pick up college guys -- I have no interest in that.

Interesting to get this opinion from a 21 yo who should be a harsh critic on age.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Birthday Dinner

This past week was Steve's birthday.  I knew he was feeling lonely being 6500 miles away from his family, so I took him out to dinner Friday night.  He loves Capital Grille, but I knew of another another high end steakhouse nearby so I took him there.  It was a six course Filet Mignon dinner that was great.  The desert was sorbet, but I had the waiter substitute cake for Steve.  He was really moved by this dinner, and gave a me a big hug after we left.

Unfortunately I was sick.  Just a little sick with a bad cough, but this has dragged on for weeks.  I'm sure the sex would have been awesome, and he really wanted it, but I couldn't risk getting him sick. 

I don't think Steve ever spent the the night with a man before me.  In the beginning he wouldn't admit to liking it.  He seemed to be indifferent.  Now he asks me, "Are you staying over?"  Maybe he actually likes it.  Sometimes I can, but often I need to be home.

I'm discussing with Steve a three day trip over Memorial Day weekend.  It's experiences that make people most happy, not things.  He's so noncommittal sometimes.  I don't want to plan something and then have him change his mind.  I've told him we can explore a city, visit museums, do some shopping, eat at different restaurants, and maybe check out the gay scene.  After midnight we return to the king bed in our hotel.  The next morning we will awaken with our naked bodies spooned together.  Times three.

Steve takes a very cautious approach to life.  I do too, but I'm becoming less cautious as I get older.  I've explained that the opportunity to travel with 1) someone you like, 2) trust, 3) are attracted to, 4) share similar interests with, and 5) can afford to travel, doesn't come along so frequently.  Take advantage of this opportunity because at some point you'll be alone again and will regret not having this experience.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Car Shopping

I did a little car shopping this weekend.  Just looking at this point.  An X3 would be a very cool small SUV to have.  But-- I was shocked at the price.  Over $42,000 for a not exactly loaded X3 with the 4 cyl powertrain?  Add on tax, etc and it's about $45k out the door?  This is about $5k more than I expected.  And then if it breaks, lookout.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

So Good, and then So Bad

Winter is over, and I told Steve I was going to get serious about the gym and my diet.  For weeks I did great.  Running 3-4 miles nearly everyday, lifting, and eating the right foods.  I was so proud of myself.

Then a week ago Thursday afternoon I started feeling sick.  I came home and just collapsed.  Fever of 102 and just a general feeling of malaise.  Sick for the whole weekend.  I went to work this week, but still wasn't 100%, or even 90%.  Of course I haven't been to the gym, and beside soup I've been eating ice cream and popsicles.  Not exactly diet food.  I still don't feel like I'm back to 100%.

This weekend is it.  If I am not 100% by tomorrow I will go to the doctor on Monday.