Nothing to Say

A few years ago there were a few guys who were actively blogging about their lives.  Some were married.  Some not.  They blogged about their dating life, their family issues, the conflicts of leading a straight/gay life, whatever was on their mind.  The occasional lurid sex experience was thrown in to keep things more interesting.  Even though it was often just mundane stuff about their lives, I still enjoyed reading it.  It was a view into their lives.  Maybe for the same reason why people watch Teen Mom on MTV.  I never understood why that show is popular.

It's largely stopped....the blogging, I mean.  I asked one of my fellow bloggers why we heard so little from hm over the last few months.  "I just have nothing to say," he answered, "I'm not emailing.  I'm not blogging.  No interest in dating.  I'm just withdrawing from everything."

The sad thing is that I feel the same way.  There used to be issues that really bothered me, and blogging about them was like therapy.  But now I feel almost numb.  No burning issues.  No lurid sex tales to detail.  No travels this year. Work used to be consuming for me.....and now it's worse.     

At least I have by quasi-boyfriend Steve.  He's back for about three months.  But what then?  Will he be back?  How long will my next dry spell last?  I'm hoping something hits for me soon on the job front, and that will be a major change in my life.

It's 9:40pm.  I just want to go to bed. 

Why Can't I Do This?

As I mentioned before, I am actively job hunting.  Over the last few weeks I've had a number of telephone interviews.  So far nothing seems like a fit, but it's early.  I didn't expect to find my dream job in four weeks.  I don't need to rush.  It would be foolish for me to jump to a new job that is not the right fit out of anger.

Last week I interviewed for a job that sounded like a great fit for me.  I talked with the headhunter for about 45 minutes and could check the box on just about everything she asked.  Now she's forwarding my resume on to the company.  However, there's one major issue.

Location.  The job is in Chon Buri, Thailand.

I know lots of people who have done ex-pat assignments in Thailand and loved it.  It's supposed to be the most gay friendly country in Asia.  This is major decision for me.  What about my kids?  They are in college now.  They probably could make it ok without me being 100 miles away.  For $1500 I can fly back to the US if I really needed.  This could be a great adventure for me.  The more I think about it, the more reasons I think it might be a good thing for me.

End of Summer

It's the end of summer.  This long weekend has flown by.  I'm so depressed that I have to go to work tomorrow.  This has been a terrible summer.  Way too much work.  On the 22nd of August I had my second vacation day of the year.  At 11am my cell phone rang.  I could tell it was a Europe phone number.  The headquarters needed something asap.  I worked half my vacation day from home (and reversed half my vacation day).  On the 29th I had scheduled my third vacation day of the year.  This time it was a conference call that had to happen, a series of emails, and no less than ten phone calls that day.  Again, I worked from home but reversed half my vacation.  Now I have 18 vacation days to take between now and year end.

I need to say "no" to this stuff.  This was self-inflicted.  I should have enjoyed this summer.  Who knows how many summers I have left?  Why did I do this?  Because it will look good on my resume?  Or because I have nothing better to do? This year will be over before I know it.  When will I learn?