Tale of Three Chinese Guys

In addition to meeting the Mexican boy last weekend, I've had a few dates during the last two weeks.

#1 - A 28 yo Chinese guy who lives about 15 minutes away.  He messaged me online.  After a few minutes he said, "This may sound crazy, but would you be interested in coming over for a beer tonight?  I really need someone to talk to."   He was close, and he seemed like a nice guy, so I went.

One thing I'm doing upfront with these younger guys is saying, "You want to meet ME?  I'm 20 years older than you.  Are you SURE? "

"Age makes no difference to me," he said.  "You seem like nice guy and I want to meet you."

This guy had a PhD in Operations Research.  Average looking.  Interesting to talk to.  One problem I haven't encountered before:  he had braces on his teeth.  I kept on thinking, would I really want to have sex with this guy?  It might be like putting my penis into a meat grinder.  Nothing happened, he didn't make a move.  After two hours of talk, I said goodnight.

#2 -  Another Asian guy who was just visiting.  He worked for a big US company.  He was a small guy.  Like 5'5 and 110 pounds I would say, and 28 yo.  We met for dinner.  He had lots of questions for me about the US.  For example, "Why is almost everyone on Jack'd black?  Answer:  Because the white guys are on Grindr.  At least that's true in my area.  Apparently Jack'd is big in Asia.  We had dinner and said good night.

#3 -  Yet another Chinese guy.  He was the tallest Asian guy I've met -- probably 6'1.  Really nice guy, 31 yo,  who seemed very Westernized.  It went a little different this time.   He very quickly started kissing me and it was a little awkward because he was so much taller than me.  This was like dating Yao Ming!  Soon clothes came off and we played for a while.  He had on of the fattest cocks I've seen on any guy.  Not the longest, but the thickest.  Afterward we talked for about ten mintes, and I wasn't sure what to do, so I said goodbye.  Within twenty minutes he messaged me to ask if he could treat me to dinner.  That was nice.  At that point I couldn't, but maybe we will meet again.

#4 -  No not Asian.  This guy claimed to be 42, but I'm not sure if that's true.  He's Middle Eastern, but not the dark hairy type.  I had actually met this guy once before - more than five years ago.  We just never connected again.  I'm surprised he remembered me.  Honestly, not really an attraction.  I wouldn't really be motivated to meet this guy again.  He hasn't contacted me either.

Most of these guys were outside my target market.  In my defense, these Asian guys messaged me first.  I really should be meeting someone who is 40-something, but at least I'm meeting guys.  Why is it so hard to meet someone decent who is 40-something?

Size Matters

Saturday I met a guy.  He's a 27 yo Mexican guy who is here for three months on assignment for a big corporation.  I explained that I am trying to meet guys my own age, but he said, "I LOVE older guys!"  He's a cute guy, great smile, smart and funny.  When we were chatting online he told me he didn't kiss, and I was disappointed by that.  But then when we met he kissed me like crazy.  "For a guy who doesn't kiss, you sure like to kiss," I told him.  His smooth body is a little unusual for a Latin guy, but I really liked it.  He was so passionate and intense....there's nothing like when two guys are into each other.  Afterward we cuddled and talked for more than an hour.  "I love this," he whispered in my ear.  I really enjoyed it.

But what's the problem?  Well...er...um....I hate to bring this up....but he had one of the smallest penises I've ever seen.  Three?  One of the good things about this blog is the opportunity to share my true feelings.  I'm embarrassed to be so shallow, but the penis was kind of a disappointment.  I would definitely meet this guy again because I like him as a person and I had a good time.

Is this the way it works?  You have to like the person AND the penis?  

Drawn to Power

There's a retired executive who lives not far from me.  He's worth more than $50 mil, if not into 9 figures.  His house is amazing.  Everyone who knows him says he's brilliant.  He is in his late 70's and he's gay.  He has a boyfriend who is around 50.  They've been together for about 15 years.

I was telling this story to a friend, and I wondered out loud, "Does the boyfriend really love him or is it just about the money?"  

"Of course it's for the money," my friend shot back.

I've been reading this post at OneStep at aTime  about his meeting with a high powered lawyer in Toronto.  It seems like it was the most engaging meeting he has ever had with a guy.  However, no sex because the guy was in horrible shape.  But that makes it all the more interesting.  He stayed talking to the guy even though he was not at all attracted (in this case he was actually repulsed).  This got me thinking.

I haven't dated older guys.  I met one older guy last year but nothing happened.  Maybe I should try again.

Is money and power attractive?  A draw?  I would never date a guy just because he's wealthy.  I'm not desperate for money, and I want to keep my own self-respect.  I can see myself being drawn to a powerful man, but money doesn't make my cock hard.  The reality is that any wealthy, powerful man who is in reasonable shape is probably shopping for a hot younger guy. 

Revenge of the Nerds

I'm finishing up my summer intern interviews.  Three this morning.  One more on Monday. Then I'm done and need to decide.  One person today stood out, so unless the person on Monday blows me away, this person from today gets it.

The morning started with a cute Asian boy.  Korean actually.  He struggled with a lot of my questions.  I quickly ruled him out.

The last person today was obviously nervous.  He shook my hand harder than he needed to.  He seemed pretty serious and didn't smile.  I'm guessing not one of the cool kids.  Not particularly attractive either.  But -- he answered almost all my questions.  He had researched my company and knew things about us that no one else did.  He was technically strong.  He had two other impressive internships.  Everything clicked --  this is the guy. 

I am fascinated with the interview process.  In particular, why I react the way I do to people.  My own biases.  Things that turn me off or get my attention.  How people connect in an interview and how they don't.  It's a high stakes game -- as a manager making a bad hiring decision reflects poorly on me.  being an interviewer makes me a better interviewee.

The guy I am going to hire had an uphill climb with me.   My initial impression wasn't really positive.  It can be uncomfortable to be around someone who is obviously nervous.  They say people make an impression of you in the first ten seconds of a meeting.  It can be hard to recover if that initial impression isn't positive.  It's interesting to me how this guy climbed back and recovered over 45 minutes. 

Many of these same lessons apply to dating too.  

Could They All Be Gone?

Could it be that by the time you reach your 40's all the good guys are gone?  A friend sent me a note and one line stuck with me:  "I think the guys who have natural relationship skills are already partnered and it's mostly the guys without skills who are left."

It does make sense to me.  The best guys are quickly scooped up by other attractive men, leaving only the less desirable on the market by this age.  I guess the married guys would be new on the scene, but there are not so many of them who actually leave their wives and become available.  The gay guys who are not attached by this age perhaps have trouble forming relationships or some other problem.

Who knows..... 

5 Rules for Happiness

An article with this title appeared in the WSJ a few weeks ago.  I'll list the five rules, but want to focus on one of them.

1.  Consider marrying young.

2.  Learn how to recognize your soul mate.

3.  Eventually stop fretting about fame and fortune

4.  Take religion seriously

5.  Watch 'Groundhog Day' Repeatedly.

#3 --  The author says, "suppose you arrive at age 40, and you enjoy your work, have found your soul mate, are raising a couple of terrific kids—and recognize that you will probably never become either rich or famous."  Your 20-something ambitions are probably not going to happen, and you need to accept that with middle-age maturity.

The article includes this quote from David Geffen:  "Show me someone who thinks that money buys happiness, and I'll show you someone who has never had a lot of money."  I think money can have a positive effect on happiness, but there are fast diminishing returns. 

Some people are in a job for the duration.....no ambition to move, no ability to move, or just content in place.  I'm always thinking how to parlay my present situation into something better.  However, moving up can be risky and stressful.  Maybe thinking about the positives in my current situation is healthier than thinking about climbing one or two rungs higher. 

Final quote from this article:  "Fame and wealth do accomplish something: They cure ambition anxiety. But that's all. It isn't much."

Too Much Candy

 

I am interviewing summer interns this week and next.  Today I had this Persian looking guy.  He had a light beard and I imagine he would look like this without clothes.  He didn't really blow me away, but I haven't ruled him out.  The thing is that hiring this guy might be too much eye candy for me....a distraction  It's interesting how being good looking can influence the interviewer.  I trust myself to choose the best candidate in the end.   More on Monday.  

Stuff

I was at the mall yesterday.  I needed just one thing.  It's a huge, high-end mall with everything you can imagine.  Even though it's only ten minutes away I rarely go there.  I felt like I was going to hyperventilate.  So much stuff that no one really needs.  I couldn't wait to get out of there.

This year I am going to start to "decontent."  That means get rid of stuff.  I have so much stuff I never use and should dispose of.  I stop myself from buying more (usually).  But every Christmas and birthday I am gifted more of it.  I hate clutter.  I tell friends I want to condense my life to four boxes.  Not sure if I can really do that, but it sounds good in theory.

There's really not a lot of things I want.  If I buy something, it's usually after weeks (or sometimes months) of consideration.  Plenty of time to talk myself out of the purchase.  Often it's just a replacement of something -- so no "net acquisition" of stuff.

The one thing I do want is a new house.  The themes will be modern and minimalist.  I want to keep it simple and smaller.  I'm not ready to pull the trigger yet as I may be moving in the next year or two.  Why put so much effort into creating my dream house only to sell it in a year?  I need the right location.  A high end metroburb is where I want to be.  Compromise between city and suburbs, and walkable neighborhood.

Time Famine

"How did it get so late so soon?

It's night before it's afternoon.

December is here before it's June.

My goodness how the time has flewn.

How did it get so late so soon?"

The above is from a Dr. Seuss book.  Time Famine is a new term to me, but it shouldn't be.  Are you always feeling like you are behind on your work?  Are you rushing from meeting to meeting?  Buying additional productivity apps in futile attempts to get ahead?  Time famine increases stress and decreases life satisfaction.   There is also a term called time affluence, which is the situation where a person has adequate time to enjoy life.

There's a new book called Faster: The Acceleration of Just about Everything.   It describes a syndrome many people have called "hurry sickness."  Maybe even me.

A recent survey found that more than 20% of millennials will interrupt sex to answer their cell phones. 

A few years ago I moved to a job I actually like.  I still work a lot, but it's interesting work.  These years have just flown by.  I can't believe it's gone by so fast.  I feel like I've missed some things.  It's scary.