A New Bf !

No, not me.

My ex-bf has a new bf.

And the winner is??    A 50 yo married guy with two kids!!

I have an ex-bf from more than five years ago.  He lives in Germany, but he's Asian.  His name is Seth and he's 32.  I've visited him several times in Germany when I've been there on business, and we talk once or twice a month.  We're still pretty close and he tells me everything.

We talked last weekend and he told me the whole story.  He wanted to know what I thought.

What do I think???    WTF are you doing?   What is the point of getting involved with this type of guy?  I totally don't get it. 

"This will end badly,"  I told him.  He asked my opinion -- but this is his issue.  He even told me he doesn't want to be a home wrecker -- and breakup this guy's marriage, and upset his kids.

Inching Forward

Speaking of obstacles to happiness....

I wish I had a job where I could work strictly thirty two hours per week.  Arrive at 8:30 and leave right at 5, four days a week.  Not have to think about work at all when I leave.  No calls after hours.  No work on weekends.  Great job security. Oh, and the job pays the same as I make today.

Think of all the other things I could do in my life.  But this is just a dream, I don't think this job exists.

Another blogger titled his blog "Corporate Slave."  That sums up how an awful lot of people feel.   I don't feel that way.  I am fortunate to have the job I do.  I am thankful for that, especially when I look around at other people.  I look at the guy in the cell phone store making $12/hr, living paycheck to paycheck, and an elusive "promotion" being dangled as motivation, as a corporate slave.

Debt and financial obligations can make you a slave too.

Could I quit my job and transition to fewer hours and less stress?  Perhaps yes, but it would be a serious pay cut.  I choose not to do that.  I just could not bring myself to do that.  And I don't think I need to.

Sometimes I run into people who have checked out of the rat race and opted for a different life track.  It's a sacrifice, but sometimes the corporate life is so stressful and unpleasant people just do it.  It's not very common.  I know a ton of corporate people.  None are super happy with their jobs.  But almost none do anything about it.

This has been a cold winter.  Who wants to get home after 7 and then think about going out again into the sub-zero blackness?

Where am I going with this?  When I map out my week there is limited time to do other things.  This is a long standing problem for me.  One major change this year is that my kids are becoming adults and I will have more freedom.   

I am also handling work better.  Over the last few months I've adopted a strategy of minimizing contact with certain people at work, including my dotted line boss, and it seems to be working.  I am saying no to additional projects.  The distribution of work and resources is not fair.  I WILL take all my vacation this year.

The problem with people like me is that we are fundamentally comfortable.  Life is not perfect, but it's pretty comfortable.  There's no screaming need to make a change.  Inertia can set in and there's no action to make things better.

Sometimes the best way to achieve big changes is to start with a series of small changes.

Defined Chest

I think it's every gay guy's dream to have a defined chest.  I've heard this from multiple guys.  The gay man's holy grail?  Sadly not all will ever realize this dream, and hope fades as you get older.  Does it really make that much difference?  Not really (within reason).   But in the shallow, body dysmorphic gay world a defined chest is sought after.  You're stuck with the size of your dick,  but this is something you can actually make happen with hard work

Since I got down to my target weight and shifted to more resistance workouts, I've been trying to get more defined.  Yes, I know it's having some effect because two sex mates told me so.  However, I'm not really satisfied.  Probably because no gay guy is ever satisfied with his body?  I'm just surprised at how hard it is to make progress.  In addition to the gym, I'm doing 120 pushups (no, not all at one time) and I thought I would make fairly quick progress. It's not as quick as I'd hoped.  I am stronger for sure.  I'm not sure why I'm motivated to do this now.  Why not when I was 20?

Anyway, if it keeps me from looking like this it's worth the effort.

What a 48 yo Should Look Like

I met a 31 yo Latino guy last night.  Another online connection.  It didn't work out.  "Rob, I'm sorry, you're just what I'm looking for.  I'm attracted to guys with a more masculine body."  He rubbed my leg and crotch.  "You really seem like a nice guy," he said.  Oh, that makes me feel better.  I retreated home, tail between my legs.

The guy on the left -- this is what a 48 yo guy should look like.....the stereotype.  Hairy, masculine bear.  The guy on the right is me.  Totally smooth is great if you're 22, but not if you are 48.  I just don't fit the stereotype for what a 48 yo guy should look like.  I have people asking me, "Are you Asian? or "Is that really your pic? Because it looks more like a 15 yo than 48."  So what do I do?  Bathe in a vat of Rogaine?